The Wrestling Thread

Damn. Nicholas was my second pick :///

I can't believe just how wrong I got nearly everything lmao. I'm demoting myself from smark to just mark as there's clearly nothing smart about me!!

5:15 am """"reviews"""" with a bottle in me

andre the documentary battle royal: i didn't even see this one
the "enzo probably raped a woman" tournament final: preshow/10, congrats to alexander
the fabulous moolah all women matter battle royal: preshow/10. did naomi need this? where were sasha and becky? oh right, eliminated before the final 2
seth rollins wins the ic title: i guess/10
asuka's streak-- wait what? no: -8/10. vince hates asians part 1
us title match: interference/10. jinder status: unhindered
legends and ronda jerk themselves off: 5/10, and all 5 of those are for INTERGENDER VIOLENCE~!
beardy boys win the tag titles: i was getting snacks and missed nothing/10
taker def. cena: squash/squash. they were billing this way too much as taker's return for my liking
rip owens and zayn: "SHANES GOING OVER DAMMIT"/10. maybe raw will accept you
nia def. alexa: you are a 10/10 no matter how you look
strong style more like shit style: -9.5/10. vince hates asians part 2
raw tag match: a literal child is a wwe champion. no rating
an unstoppable super reigns meets an immovable part time champion: waste of buildup/10

carmella's cash in: -10/10 because it didn't fucking happen

fuck wwe

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Review:

Andre: 2.5/5 - was kind of there. I honestly went to get pizza during this.

Womans Battle Royal - 1.5/5 Should have ended with Bayley throwing Sasha out and concluding their story. Also having Naomi win in a very heel fashion made no sense.

Cruiserweights - 3/5 - About what I expected, nothing bad but nothing amazing either

IC title - 3.5/5 Good match, but still nothing groundbreaking. Would have been match of the night if it was a B-PPV.

SD Woman's title - 3/5. Not mad about Asuka's streak ending but they could have done it better.

US title - 2.5/5. They dropped the ball on Rusev Day. BUT WE GET MORE MAHARAJA!

Mix Tag - 4/5. This was the most entertaining match of the night. Ronda did much better than I thought she would. I had fun with this one, somehow match of the night.

Smackdown Tag - 2/5 I blinked and it was over.

Taker VS Cena - 2/5 I've waited years for Taker VS Cena and I got that? Like I'm glad Taker is back and had a match but really?

Bryan and Shane VS Owans and Zayn - 3.5/5. Good to have Bryan back. It was a good match

Nia vs Bliss - 3/5 A little different than what I expected but in a good way. Better than I thought but still pretty meh

AJ VS Nakamura - 3.5/5 This should have been a classic but it just kind of happened. This was a letdown. I'll admit Nakamura turning heel I did not see coming.

Raw Tag - 3/5 People will shit all over a kid being champion but I thought it was a good moment. I wanted Braun being a single handed tag champ and I kind of got it. I loved the hot tag spot.

WWE Title Match - 1/5 and only a 1 for Roman bleeding, and I like Roman.

Overall - 3/5, last year's was better.

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Immediate thoughts after getting home. Man I felt like I would not have missed anything by leaving it to be honest. Poor and nothing must see. IC title bout was pretty good, probably my favourite of the night. Rousey wasn’t as bad as I thought she’d be. Nicholas was...man there’s going to be so many Make a Wish requests for title shots at Wrestlemania. Taker should have stayed retired. Lesner matches for the most part are just not palatable. I felt like Asuka’s winning streak should have been taken in more dramatic fashion.

I’m sure I have more thoughts but bed

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Welcome to HAHAHA VINCE IS READING HAM'S MIND AND IS DOING EVERYTHING TO RUIN HIS NIGHT.

Match: Triple Threat IC Championship
Result: Unexpectedly, Seth Rollins wins.
Rating: 8.5/10
My Comment: Not bad. Not bad.

Match: Charlotte vs. Asuka
Result: ....Charlotte wins?!
Rating: -2.5/10
My Comment: At this point, this fucking woman is the Triple H of the women's division. Blonde with disaster title reigns. WWE's creative team is fair and balanced. (1)

Match: US Championship
Result: Jinder Mahal wins. Unexpectedly and annoyingly.
Rating: 1/10
My Comment: Oh boy, you wouldn't wanna ask me how excited I am for another unrealistic title reign. WWE's creative team is fair and balanced. (2)

Match: Ronda Rousey debut
Result: Rousey won; I thought she was actually going to lose.
Rating: 7/10
My Comment: This match was way better than I expected.

Match: Usos vs. New Day vs. Bludgeon Bros
Result: Bludgeon Bros wins.
Rating: 5.5/10
My Comment: This match was tooottaaalllyyy exciting to watch.

Match: John Cena vs. Undertaker
Result: Undertaker squashed John Cena.
Rating: Fuck off for never showing up before Wrestlemania. 0.5/10 because I hold grudges.
My Comment: This at least makes up for the last time Undertaker was at Wrestlemania.

Match: Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon vs. Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn
Result: Unexpectedly, Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon won!
Rating: 8.5/10
My Comment: I love watching Daniel Bryan, but I hate dealing with his fans.

Match: Nia Jax vs. Alexa Bliss
Result: The right thing happened for once, Nia Jax won.
Rating: Match could've been better, I expected that bitch to be squashed by Nia Jax. 6/10
My Comment: One of the couple good moments.

Match: AJ Styles vs. Shinsuke Nakamura
Result: For some reason, Styles retained. lmfaowut? also Shinsuke Nakamura's heel turn was unexpected, holy shit.
Rating: NJPW's match was better, but hey... 7/10
My Comment: WWE's creative team is fair and balanced. (3)

Match: The Bar vs. Braun Strowman and NEVILLE, lol jk. BIG SHOW, lol jk. CURT HAWKINS, lol jk. A fucking 10 year old boy was his tag team partner.
Result: Braun Strowman and kid wins.
Rating: You mean to fucking tell me THIS was what you built up for, for the past 4 weeks?! Braun Strowman wins the battle royal, and has to find a partner. We're expecting a big return to be his partner. What happens? Braun Strowman teams up with a fucking kid. This match had the potential to be a big wrestlemania moment. This had the potential to make up for the disaster that is this fucking show. Braun, Sheamus, Cesaro, I'd rate this match a lot lower than -8/10, but the 3 of you are lucky I like all of you.
My Comment: WWE's creative team is fair and balanced. (4)

Match: Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar
Result: Brock wins lol
Rating: This is fucking ridiculous. I understand nobody likes Roman Reigns, but I FUCKING hate Brock Lesnar. Do you think I forgive him for what he's done in Wrestlemania 30 and Summerslam 2016?! It's irritating and makes me sick to my fat fucking guts that he's still the champion. He's been reigning for over a year, and has defended that championship only 5 times. I don't think we've ever had a good Universal Champion yet. Finn Balor lasted for a day, Kevin Owens was full of loljerichointerferesHAHAHAFUCKINGHAHAXD, Goldberg pissed me off mainly because he defended it against Brock Lesnar, and here we are now with Brock Lesnar's title reign, still happening to this day. I'm so fucking pissed off, fuck this match, fuck this show, I'm rating this match -9999 / 10. YOU LOSE. CONTINUE? 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 GAME OVER.
My Comment: I'm going to eat a fucking fish sandwich.

Overall Rating: FUCK NUMBERS. I'M GRADING THIS SHOW A FUCKING F. What the fuck are you doing, WWE?! You have no idea how livid I was about this show.

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I went in thinking this was gonna be a meh mania
and I was right,I knew that bork lesnar was gonna win


they wanted to swerve everyone

also idk why people are mad about shinsuke lost? after this he is gonna be a mega heel

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My rate to WM 34

ARMBAR 3/5

Pretty decent battle royal with a decent winner. Matt Hardy. I expect he's being recovered and to show his momentum for the next PPV.

WOMBAR 2.5/5

Nothing special for Naomi being a battle royal winner but not a failed rumble match either.

Cruiserweight 3.5/5

Well, congrats.

IC 2.5/5

Not totally meh match but I prefer for The Miz to defend his title in my opinion.

SD Women 3.5/5

Not disappointed to Asuka's first defeat and the match looks great. The only reason why it's 3.5 is because she tapped out immediately. If she extends the submission time, it could be more awesome.

US 1.5/5

This is the plain definition of meh match plus they totally dropped the ball to Rusev despite that he has more potential to be a champion. He entertains the people well whether he's a face or a heel. Not to mention even the Rusev Day gimmick is quite popular right now.

Ronda 4/5

Unexpected and the match was better that what I expect to happen. I want her to keep up the good work to stay over as it is.

SD Tag 4.5/5

Beat me to it but this is a great match for me. The result of the match being the Bludgeon as new champion gives new emphasis and possible fresh storyline and feud rather than another Usos/New Day segments. Once the AOP goes to main roster, they should go to SDL and be their contenders and that would be more awesome. It could be a perfect 5 if the length of the match is longer.

Bryan 3/5

I expect this is the end of storyline for Shame... oops sorry Shane McMahon - Team Canada feud. I used to lower the rating if not for Daniel Bryan's return of his potential to wrestle again.

RAW Women 4/5

It could be nice to see Nia defeats Alexa but what my only downside of this match is that Carmella didn't come to cash in and get the title away from Nia. Nia is not yet over to be a champion but it's not good to see Alexa being a champion for a long time.

WWE 3.5/5

Pretty decent match but it could be better and I rate it perfect 5 if Nakamura wins the belt. The best dream match in the history of WWE for sure.

RAW Tag 2.5/5

Not bad to see Braun winning this match but it's not totally perfect and I feel The Bar gets buried suddenly because of this.

Taker 1.5/5

Hmmmmm...... what's the deal with this match? Eh?

Universal 2/5

Other than Brock trying to break CM Punk's championship record, there's no reason for Brock to defend the title. The result is almost bad and even Reigns wins the title, I don't think the crowd would cheer him despite that he's babyface right now.

Wow we really shat the bed with the predictions didn't we

Also that show was mediocre at best

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So WrestleMania 34 is in the books. I literally have no idea what to think of the show. Ask me again in about a week, I'm VERY conflicted.

CARD PREDICTIONS (WORTH THREE POINTS EACH):
André the Giant Memorial Battle Royal: Matt Hardy
Wrestlemania Women's Battle Royal: Naomi
Cedric Alexander vs Mustafa Ali for the Cruiserweight Championship: Cedric Alexander
The Bar (c) vs Braun Strowman...and friend for the Raw Tag Championship: Braun Strowman and his Make-A-Wish Obligation
The Usos (c) vs The New Day vs The Bludgeon Brothers for the SmackDown Tag Championship: Bludgeon Brothers
The Miz (c) vs Finn Bálor vs Seth Rollins for the Intercontinental Championship: Seth Rollins
Randy Orton (c) vs Bobby Roode vs Jinder Mahal vs Rusev for the US Championship: Jinder Mahal for some reason
Alexa Bliss (c) vs Nia Jax for the Raw Women's Championship: Nia Jax
Charlotte (c) vs Asuka for the SmackDown Women's Championship: THE. STREAK. IS. DEAD.
Ronda Rousey & Kurt Angle vs HHH and Stephanie McMahon: ofc Rousey wins
Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn vs Shane McMahon & Daniel Bryan: ofc Bryan wins. See you on Raw in 2 weeks, ZaynKO.
AJ Styles (c) vs Shinsuke Nakamura for the WWE Championship: AJ retains in a disappointing match but OHHHH this means the feud isn't over!
Brock Lesnar (c) vs Roman Reigns for the Universal Championship: Brock Lesnar just fucking Orton'd Reigns' head.

SPECIAL PREDICTIONS (WORTH TWO POINTS EACH):
ARMBAR: Name two entrants not yet announced, 1pt for each:
WOMBAR: Name two entrants not yet announced, 1pt for each:
I discarded both of these, it's not that difficult when all but one of the names are confirmed.

Cruiserweight: How long does the match last? (2pts for closest time, 1pt bonus for all within 60sec): 12'17. HTK and akio score bonuses, akio wins the meat of the points by just seven seconds.
R-Tag: Who is Braun's partner?: Holy shit, it's a small child.
R-Tag: Who gets the pinfall on who? (1pt for each): Braun pins Cesaro.
S-Tag: Who gets the pinfall on who? (1pt for each): Harper pinned Kofi. Only one person gave a New Day guy, and they were wrong.
IC: Who eats the pinfall?: It kinda had to be The Miz, didn't it?
US: Who eats the pinfall?: Rusev, because Vince hates us.
R-Women's: does Alexa Bliss go through a barricade?: No, but Mickie James did. That doesn't count.
S-Women's: will Carmella successfully cash in?: NOPE. Because that would be smart. And Carmella ain't.
Rousey Match: Who eats the pinfall?: Stephanie, ofc give Rousey the last word.
Bryan Match: Who eats the pinfall?: Zayn ate it.
WWE: How long does the match last? (2pts for closest time, 1pt bonus for all within 60sec): 20'21. HTK closest, but still out by two minutes.
WWE: How many Phenomenal Forearms will Nakamura receive?: Just the one, I believe.
Universal: How long does the match last? (2pts for closest time, 1pt bonus for all within 60sec): 15'50. HTK only 30 seconds out, so picks up three. Damn, you're good at this.
Universal: How many F5s is Brock going to dish out to Roman?: 5. Cultaholic said 6 though, and I don't really want to watch again to check. We're wrong either way.
What will be the announced attendance for WM34? (2pts for closest - for reference, the last WM in the Mercedes-Benz Superdome was 75,167): A disputed, bullshittastic 78,133. Pandy's only about 100 out.
Which match will Bleacher Report give the best grade to?: The Raw Women's match and the IC opener both scored A. Both the Rousey match and the WWE match get A-.
Which match will Bleacher Report give the worst grade to?: ARMBAR gets a D. As we were predicting it, I'd say it counts. On the card itself, the US match got a C-, which most of you did get.

Anyway, let's see how much Quickman's fucked it:



Cleansweeping the time questions lets HTK sneak out a win by just two points! Ben surprisingly in 4th considering how much he usually whiffs it, REALLY good battle for 5th place, Quickman doing a fine impression of Derby County's 2007/8 season.

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This was literally just a show full of swerves for the sake of swerves. I literally got three matches right. Let's rate these matches.

Preshow Rumbles - 2*
Cruiserweight - 3.25*
Intercontinental - 4.25*
United States - 1.75*
SD Women's - 3.5*
RAW Women's - 2*
RAW Tag Titles - 1*
SD Tag Titles - 3*
Cena vs. Taker - -1*
Ronda/Kurt vs. HHH/Steph - 4*
Shane/Bryan vs. Kami - 3*
WWE Title - 4.25*
Universal Title - 1*

Overall rating for the show - CONFUSED AS FUCK.

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My sense of time has been appalling for every prediction thread we do aha, but I'm happy with this result! Such a swervy card though, some things next to impossible to predict!

Wow, I thought for sure I had lost this when I was watching the show - booking was really odd for a chunk of the matches. Overall, the show was fairly decent though. Bit of a tinny ass win due to the time stuff, but I'll take it!

YOU DESERVE HAVE EARNED IT clap clap clapclapclap

Not too shabby for my second time around. Always believe in the maharajah!

This was a fucking weird WrestleMania.

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I don't care how little this fits WCW, I still really like this as a theme.

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You doing one of these for Greatest Royal Rumble?

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Of course. But mokou can't enter because the Saudis say so.

CARD PREDICTIONS (WORTH THREE POINTS EACH):
Cedric Alexander (c) vs Kalisto for the Cruiserweight Championship:
Jeff Hardy (c) vs Jinder Mahal for the United States Championship:
Seth Rollins (c) vs Finn Bálor vs The Miz vs Samoa Joe - Ladder Match for the Intercontinental Championship:
Bray Wyatt & Matt Hardy vs The Bar for the Raw Tag Team Championship:
The Bludgeon Brothers (c) vs The Usos for the SmackDown Tag Team Championship:
John Cena vs HHH:
The Undertaker vs Rusev - Casket Match:
AJ Styles (c) vs Shinsuke Nakamura for the WWE Championship:
Brock Lesnar (c) vs Roman Reigns - Steel Cage Match for the Universal Championship:
50-man Greatest Royal Rumble (WORTH FIVE POINTS):

SPECIAL PREDICTIONS (WORTH TWO POINTS EACH):
CW: Will Buddy Murphy interfere?:
US: Will the Singh Brother's interference directly cause the match's end?:
IC: Will the Miztourage appear?:
R-Tag: Who gets the pin on who? (1pt for each):
S-Tag: Who gets the pin on who? (1pt for each):
Cena match: How many AAs will HHH receive?:
Taker match: Will the end of the match have any WM33-esque retirement hints?:
WWE: How long will the match last? (2pts for closest guess, bonus point for anyone within 60sec):
Universal: How long will the match last? (2pts for closest guess, bonus point for anyone within 60sec):
Rumble: Who comes out as numbers 1 and 2? (1pt for each):
Rumble: Who comes out as number 50?:
Rumble: Who will get the most eliminations, and how many? (1pt for each):
Rumble: Who will be the runner-up?:
Rumble: How long will the match last? (2pts for closest guess, bonus point for anyone within 2 minutes):
Which match will Bleacher Report give the best grade to?:
Which match will Bleacher Report give the worst grade to?:

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CARD PREDICTIONS (WORTH THREE POINTS EACH):
Cedric Alexander (c) vs Kalisto for the Cruiserweight Championship: Cedric Alexander
Jeff Hardy (c) vs Jinder Mahal for the United States Championship: Jeff Hardy
Seth Rollins (c) vs Finn Bálor vs The Miz vs Samoa Joe - Ladder Match for the Intercontinental Championship: Seth Rollins
Bray Wyatt & Matt Hardy vs The Bar for the Raw Tag Team Championship: Bray Wyatt and Matt Hardy
The Bludgeon Brothers (c) vs The Usos for the SmackDown Tag Team Championship: The Bludgeon Brothers
John Cena vs HHH: John Cena
The Undertaker vs Rusev - Casket Match: The Undertaker
AJ Styles (c) vs Shinsuke Nakamura for the WWE Championship: AJ Styles
Brock Lesnar (c) vs Roman Reigns - Steel Cage Match for the Universal Championship: Roman Reigns
50-man Greatest Royal Rumble (WORTH FIVE POINTS): Braun Strowman

SPECIAL PREDICTIONS (WORTH TWO POINTS EACH):
CW: Will Buddy Murphy interfere?: No
US: Will the Singh Brother's interference directly cause the match's end?: Yes
IC: Will the Miztourage appear?: No
R-Tag: Who gets the pin on who? (1pt for each): Bray Wyatt on Sheamus
S-Tag: Who gets the pin on who? (1pt for each): Rowan on Jimmy Uso
Cena match: How many AAs will HHH receive?: 1
Taker match: Will the end of the match have any WM33-esque retirement hints?: No
WWE: How long will the match last? (2pts for closest guess, bonus point for anyone within 60sec): 20 minutes
Universal: How long will the match last? (2pts for closest guess, bonus point for anyone within 60sec): 16:15
Rumble: Who comes out as numbers 1 and 2? (1pt for each): Sami Zayn and Chris Jericho
Rumble: Who comes out as number 50?: lol Big Show
Rumble: Who will get the most eliminations, and how many? (1pt for each): Braun Strowman, 13?!
Rumble: Who will be the runner-up?: Elias
Rumble: How long will the match last? (2pts for closest guess, bonus point for anyone within 2 minutes): 70 minutes
Which match will Bleacher Report give the best grade to?: WWE Championship
Which match will Bleacher Report give the worst grade to?: Smackdown Tag Team Championship

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CARD PREDICTIONS (WORTH THREE POINTS EACH):
Cedric Alexander (c) vs Kalisto for the Cruiserweight Championship: Cedric Alexander
Jeff Hardy (c) vs Jinder Mahal for the United States Championship: Jeff Hardy
Seth Rollins (c) vs Finn Bálor vs The Miz vs Samoa Joe - Ladder Match for the Intercontinental Championship: Samoa Joe
Bray Wyatt & Matt Hardy vs The Bar for the Raw Tag Team Championship: Bray Wyatt and Matt Hardy
The Bludgeon Brothers (c) vs The Usos for the SmackDown Tag Team Championship: The Bludgeon Brothers
John Cena vs HHH: John Cena
The Undertaker vs Rusev - Casket Match: The Undertaker
AJ Styles (c) vs Shinsuke Nakamura for the WWE Championship: AJ Styles
Brock Lesnar (c) vs Roman Reigns - Steel Cage Match for the Universal Championship: Brock Lesnar
50-man Greatest Royal Rumble (WORTH FIVE POINTS): Braun Strowman

SPECIAL PREDICTIONS (WORTH TWO POINTS EACH):
CW: Will Buddy Murphy interfere?: No
US: Will the Singh Brother's interference directly cause the match's end?: No
IC: Will the Miztourage appear?: Yes
R-Tag: Who gets the pin on who? (1pt for each): Matt Hardy on Sheamus
S-Tag: Who gets the pin on who? (1pt for each): Luke on Jey Uso
Cena match: How many AAs will HHH receive?: 3
Taker match: Will the end of the match have any WM33-esque retirement hints?: No
WWE: How long will the match last? (2pts for closest guess, bonus point for anyone within 60sec): 16:30
Universal: How long will the match last? (2pts for closest guess, bonus point for anyone within 60sec): 12:00
Rumble: Who comes out as numbers 1 and 2? (1pt for each): Daniel Bryan and Xavier Woods (shrug).
Rumble: Who comes out as number 50?: Great Khali.
Rumble: Who will get the most eliminations, and how many? (1pt for each): Braun. 15.
Rumble: Who will be the runner-up?: Daniel Bryan
Rumble: How long will the match last? (2pts for closest guess, bonus point for anyone within 2 minutes): 108 minutes (are wrestlers still coming out every "2 minutes", or are they speeding it up?)
Which match will Bleacher Report give the best grade to?: WWE Championship
Which match will Bleacher Report give the worst grade to?: Taker/Rusev

CARD PREDICTIONS (WORTH THREE POINTS EACH):
Cedric Alexander (c) vs Kalisto for the Cruiserweight Championship: Cedric Alexander
Jeff Hardy (c) vs Jinder Mahal for the United States Championship: Jinder Mahal
Seth Rollins (c) vs Finn Bálor vs The Miz vs Samoa Joe - Ladder Match for the Intercontinental Championship: Seth Rollins
Bray Wyatt & Matt Hardy vs The Bar for the Raw Tag Team Championship: Bray Wyatt and Matt Hardy
The Bludgeon Brothers (c) vs The Usos for the SmackDown Tag Team Championship: The Bludgeon Brothers
John Cena vs HHH: John Cena
The Undertaker vs Rusev - Casket Match: The Undertaker
AJ Styles (c) vs Shinsuke Nakamura for the WWE Championship: AJ Styles
Brock Lesnar (c) vs Roman Reigns - Steel Cage Match for the Universal Championship: Brock Lesnar
50-man Greatest Royal Rumble (WORTH FIVE POINTS): Braun Strowman

SPECIAL PREDICTIONS (WORTH TWO POINTS EACH):
CW: Will Buddy Murphy interfere?: No
US: Will the Singh Brother's interference directly cause the match's end?: Yes
IC: Will the Miztourage appear?: Yes
R-Tag: Who gets the pin on who? (1pt for each): Bray Wyatt on Sheamus
S-Tag: Who gets the pin on who? (1pt for each): Harper on Jay Uso
Cena match: How many AAs will HHH receive?: 3
Taker match: Will the end of the match have any WM33-esque retirement hints?: No
WWE: How long will the match last? (2pts for closest guess, bonus point for anyone within 60sec): 22 minutes
Universal: How long will the match last? (2pts for closest guess, bonus point for anyone within 60sec): 15
Rumble: Who comes out as numbers 1 and 2? (1pt for each): Chris Jericho and Rey Mysterio Jr
Rumble: Who comes out as number 50?: Big Cass
Rumble: Who will get the most eliminations, and how many? (1pt for each): Braun Strowman, 12
Rumble: Who will be the runner-up?: Kurt Angle
Rumble: How long will the match last? (2pts for closest guess, bonus point for anyone within 2 minutes): 77 minutes
Which match will Bleacher Report give the best grade to?: Intercontinental Championship
Which match will Bleacher Report give the worst grade to?: Raw Tag Team Championship

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