Therapy/Real-Life Help

If life is tough for you right now, or if you just need to get something off of your chest, post it here. We can help each other out. Just follow these simple rules.

☆MAIN RULE☆
ONLY CONTRIBUTE TO THIS THREAD IF YOU ARE ASKING FOR ADVICE, OR ARE GIVING ADVICE. If you feel it's necessary, you may build upon someone else's advice.

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☆OTHER RULES☆

1. Take this thread seriously
If you're going to be a troll, take it somewhere else.

2. For the sake of privacy, try not to refer to anyone in particular
Try not to start drama with anybody on here.

3. Just remember, it always gets better
Personally, I've been through a lot in my life. Depression, failed relationships, you name it. I've pretty much been through it all, and I've always told myself: "It gets better". I'm a warrior. I am still alive and well, to this day.

*4. DO NOT make any unnecessary posts
(Refer to the main rule)

5. You can ask for advice as much as you like!
It beats seeing unnecessary posts. There's no set limit as to how many times you can give advice, but if you feel the person's been helped out enough, there's no need to give more advice. This rule is pretty vague, so you can interpret it however you like.

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As a gaming forum site, of course our main focus is games. But sometimes, we need someone to talk to. We're all humans, guys. We're all here for each other.

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This might just be the first actually useful thread on Z-i-V.

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I guess I'll start because I've been dying to get this off my chest:

When I was a kid my mom locked me in the laundry room because I was pestering her than I wanted to open my presents (Silly I know, but hey, I was around 5 that time.). From than point on I began to harbor a resentment towards my parents.

Then when I was in grade school, I was always bullied for just about everything, my weight, my love for video games, preferred music to my fluency in English (I'm from the Philippines so English proficiency at a young age is a big deal.). Continued all the way until 2nd year high school.

In my first two years of high school, I was in an all-boys school. Nearly everybody in my batch picked on me, physically (Hitting me on the back of the head and on my back), emotionally, verbally, even extorting me and stealing my stuff. Unfortunately, the school doesn't give a damn.

And while all of this is happening, I always tell my parents what was going on but they always said it's normal and say I'm the one who has a problem. So one time I tried to jump from the top floor of our building (My classroom was on the end of the hallway on the top floor and the fire exit leading to the roof was close by). My classmates and a teacher stopped me. But in my mind, they (my classmates) only wanted to stop me just so they can pick one me even more.

Even until now, I'm currently in 2nd year college. Even if I don't get bullied, I can still feel the side effects of what I've been through. I have a hard time trusting other people and I get frustrated whenever I screw something up.


I know my little 'story' is a little silly but that's how I feel right now. I don't care if I get a girlfriend or not because of how I look (though I have lost weight because I dance) even though sometimes I get lonely (who doesn't).

So yeah, that all I've got to say right now.

First thing's first, I myself am Filipino. I feel your pain of coming to the US the first time, as well as the cruel punishments from my parents. I came to the US at the tender age of 5. I had to skip pre-school because of my age. I went into Kindergarten with no knowledge of the English language whatsoever. On top of that, I was also bullied because of the way I acted. I was into some girly stuff (Pop singers, Lisa Frank, etc.), and I was bullied because of that. Anyways, enough about me.

It's normal that you harbored resentment for your mother, but keep in mind, she's just human. She must have been under a lot of stress that day, to the point of her doing such a thing. She didn't know how to handle the situation, and as a result, she went full on asian mom punished you in such a way. With this in mind, I'm sure she meant no harm.

Bullying will never go away. Young or old, it's very much alive, and thriving. I've listened to this one podcast recently, and it touched on the subject of bullying. After listening to that segment on bullying, my entire perspective changed.

When I get a son or a daughter, this might sound f*cked up, but I hope that they get some sh*t down the line. They can build their own character, and see who they are as a person. Once they know who they are as a person, and use that in a positive light, the bullies won't even come to them. So instead of saying "I am a fat, sad mistake" from all the bullying, they can have the courage to say "Bye Felicia, I ain't having it!" and walk out of the situation.

In short, if I saw you as a kid, I would have told you "This is happening to you for a reason. They're bullying you because you're weak. You need to use what they told you, and build yourself up as a stronger person". It's kind of like a muscle. You work out your muscle to make it stronger, and as a result, you'll feel sore after a workout. When you wake up the next morning, you'll notice that it got bulkier. You feel stronger, and you'll want to keep improving it. Back to my experiences of being bullied for a moment, my dad told me as a kid "Don't give a crap about what they say. At the end of the day, they're just empty words". Short, sweet and to the point.

I mentioned this in another thread. "Some of us are too young to fall in love. We need to live our life to fullest, enjoy every bit of freedom as much as possible. Only then, can we settle down and seek a relationship". It's ok if you feel alone here and there, but in reality, you shouldn't have to feel isolated. I think you forgot you're part of a large community. All (if not most) of the people on this site share common interests with you. If talking to someone on this community might feel a bit awkward at times, make some friends outside of the internet. Make time to hang out with them instead of talking to them on your smartphone. Grab some lunch, watch a movie, hit up a club, anything. Build that bond of unconditional love with them, and make sure you can come to them in times of need. I feel that's sort of the misconception of dating. We feel we're only yearning for love because we feel lonely, but in reality, we might just be yearning for a good friend.

Your story is not silly at all. My story is very much similar to yours, and even though mines ended on a positive note, your story gives me a huge reality check. Thank you for sharing your story. If you need anything else, just post it on here, or PM me. I'm glad you're still alive today.

Take it easy. Love,
A Fellow Bully Victim

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Actually I'm still in the Philippines, though I would love to live in the US.

Oh, trust me. There's nothing I would want more that that!

Thanks, I feel a lot better now. This is the first time I've shared this online and I'm glad I did. BTW Do you mind if I PM you for some advice about a song pack I'm planning to make?

That sounds suspiciously like Shane Dawson's podcast once. I don't remember who he was interviewing, but whatever.

Anyway, I'm sometimes happy I got bullied, maybe not to the extent people bullied me, but in light doses. It made me a tougher, more hardy person. But there's an inherent difference between being bullied and receiving criticism.

Honestly though, this thread is making me nervous. Therapy in online forums like this usually doesn't end well. There are websites dedicated to this and I don't know if ZIV is the right environment for it, considering how many of us communicate in ways that aren't referencing our own mental health.

I think an alien watched me play Raspberry Heart. http://www.ufocasebook.com/2010/collingswoodnj2006.html

This was almost 9 years ago. RED was the newest mix and between hanging up with my mother and looking out the window I played Raspberry Heart's another chart.

Guys, that thing was chillin right outside my window watching.

I lost it that summer. I should have been committed. Anyone who saw what I saw and went through what I went through would have too. Eventually I caved and found a good psychiatrist who diagnosed me schizophrenic and put me on a cocktail of meds. It took about 4~5 years to find the right balance of the right ones, but I've been ok for about 4~5 now. I no longer care who or what might be watching (hence my username). She also helped me find a government program that will support me for the rest of my life.

I wrote that sighting report a while ago, but nothing in it will ever change. I've only confirmed things with it. My mom insists it wasn't a dream she had while giving birth to me, but contact. My MUFON investigator determined that on May 27, 2006 at 7:23pm my local firehouse held an "Unscheduled System Alarm Test". The very minute that thing zapped me. Cover for the electric disturbances created.

I'm not a particularly smart guy. (I'm a blonde polak) No idea why this would happen to me, but it did. The only thing I got out of it all that I can share is a book. That claims to be written by an alien. If it isn't, then it's a black government project. The material was 'channeled' about 50 years ago in New York. The entire new-age movement started with this book, and I think it's what some of you are looking for. 'Seth Speaks: The Eternal Validity of the Soul' by Jane Roberts

http://www.sethlearningcenter.org/

Finally getting two weeks off school. I don’t know why, but the further I get, the more lonely and frustrated I feel. Maybe time off will make me feel better, but after breaking up with someone I really cared about and being back to being huddled up in my room by myself for eight hours, I doubt it.

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I'm going to keep it short and sweet: Spend some time with your friends while you're on break, if not, spend some time outside. Time off from school should be done right - you should have fun during this time. Being huddled up in your room is bad for you, in the sense that it will cause depression. Now, if you choose not to go outside for whatever reason, keep yourself pre-occupied in your house. Help out around the house: Clean, cook, do laundry regularly, etc. If you're going to stay inside, you might as well be productive. As a wise woman once told me: "The only way to mend a broken heart, is through hard work". I take that to heart because what she said is correct - it helps erase my negativity.

Your loneliness and frustration spawned from the darker part of your mind: The part where if you let your thoughts get to you, you will spiral down to a dark place. I'm usually in that mindset if I'm by myself for a long period of time. It's ok to visit that part of your mind once in a while, because it makes you stronger once you snap out of it. Just don't stay there too long. It also helps if you have someone to talk to, whether it be online or real life. Once you're done letting out all that negative emotion, they'll be there to comfort you, and snap you back into reality. I can't tell you how many times I've been through mental breakdowns, and how many times my friends had to snap me out of it. I feel so bad for them having to put up with me, haha.

Summing it up: Keep yourself occupied during your time off of school. If you ever feel like you're sinking into depression, hit me up. I'll rescue you!!

Stay Happy. Love,
A Fellow Spring Breaker (You're on Spring Break, right?)

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I like this thread idea a lot. I'll try to contribute something though I don't know if anything I can say hasn't been said already. I'll just say some personal stuff and see where it goes.

One of my biggest mental struggles has always been depression and apathy, a general lack of passion for anything. I've taken antidepressants before but they only slightly help and they aren't really worth the side effects that they bring on, at least in my case (those side effects being a messed up metabolism which makes it difficult to avoid gaining weight, as well as making one have a non existent sex drive). It's often hard for me to tell if my depression has been clinical or circumstantial, the last time I went on antidepressants was during a time where my sister was going through a period drug abuse which by extension made me feel stressed and depressed, and the time before that it was brought about when my father died in 2006. But its been a hurdle in ways such as making it hard to choose a career path since I can't really identify a passion for any particular area of life, theres just a couple areas that I might be content in pursuing. I like writing, philosophy, and science (especially astronomy) but its difficult to obtain careers in all of those areas.

It's also been difficult in terms of relationships with others. Especially in high school and less so but still somewhat in college I've had sort of a loner personality where I tend to want to be by myself much of the time, yet a lot of the time I feel very lonely, and its often overlapping where I feel both at the same time. In the past year or so it's been ever more difficult to meet new people since I graduated college and am no longer constantly surrounded by people.

Theres more I could say but I'll stick with that for now.

PERSONAL PROBLEM + ADVICE TO OTHERS

I took my driver's knowledge test today, and failed because my anxiety got the best of me. When I stood in front of that touch screen panel, I was really twitchy. Once I saw an answer that looked familiar to me, I just picked it without looking at the question. The sad part was I studied as hard as I could. Once I stood in front of that touchscreen, my heart rate increased, my fingers twitched and my brain blanked out (Granted I only slept for 6 hours, skipped dinner, and ate breakfast only after the test). Let this be a lesson to everyone who hasn't taken the driver's knowledge test, or are planning to take it soon.

Study as much as possible via practice tests online, be prepared for questions that you haven't studied (They asked me a question regarding vehicle cargo), relax ("...Light some scented candles, take a nice herbal bath. Smoke some weed, I don't care just relax!" - Markiplier), and talk to your friends (ask them to quiz you, ask about their personal experience, etc.).

Naturally, after I failed (I missed 7 questions, when you're only supposed to miss 6), my Mom scolded me. After the storm, she reassured me that the test is supposed to challenge you - you have to really think about each question, no matter how hard you studied I locked myself in my room and cried after she left for work because I'm a failure, but it's cool. She also told me that there were all these old folks talking the test, and pointed out how they all passed theirs in one go. She encouraged me to do my best next time, and to not stress out. Stress is my biggest enemy when it comes to any exam.

Summing it up: Don't freeze up in front of that permit test and you'll do great! (Eat well, sleep well, take up yoga, yell at anyone who says "Ha! You're stupid! I passed the test the first try with no studying XD" and be prepared for questions you haven't studied!)

FIGHTING!


^ Once again, don't panic

That was just something I needed to get off of my chest.
I'm going to be honest with you, I'm having trouble picking out a career choice at the moment. For me, it's sort of the opposite: I have a passion for many things: Dance, Computer Sciences, Culinary Arts, etc. That sometimes my main goal in life is clouded by other things I want to do in life (Enslaved K-Pop Idol, World Renowned Chef, etc.). At the end of the day, you can choose any career path you want (regardless if you have a passion for it). Just be sure it puts money on the table, and you leave yourself room to pursue other interests.

My friend also goes through a similar phase. Usually, we'll be talking via Skype for hours. When I leave him for a bit to take shower or something, I come back and talk to him, with him only responding lazily. He told me several times that when he's talking with friends, he feels secure. But, sometimes he wants to be alone. He'll be talking to me one minute, and ignoring me the next. He also told me that he hates making new friends, which is why he usually sticks to talking to his online friends (one of them being me). There's no real solution to it because, we're not in control of our emotions. I'll feel happy one minute and if something were to screw up my day (being scolded for not doing something, being reminded that my acne will never go away, etc.), my day is automatically ruined (I'm not bipolar, I swear ;P).

I won't touch on the subject of your depression, because everybody goes through it (with different causes). I will only say, I extend my condolences to your father, and may you find a solution to your depression. He's in a better place right now, and is watching you from the Heavens. Pills and knives are never the answer, but sometimes, we like to think otherwise.

If there's anything else you need to say, I'm open to giving you my whole-hearted response (even though it might be short, like this one ^^').

FIGHTING!

Best of luck. Love,
A fellow son, of a deceased loved one

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Hi.

I'm kinda sad because I feel under appreciated.

I have a procrastination problem and tend not to finish anything creative I do. If I do, it usually takes long, even though I have all the spare time I have. It kinda sucks.

And when I try getting help (especially on projects not on this site), more often than not do I get into fights with many of my friends.

And I need friends. I'm unschooled. My parents don't want to take me to school for a piling number of reasons. While I'm doing fine without it, it's the unfortunate package deal; A lack of socialism. Sad to say, a computer screen is the only regular contact with society I have.

It usually doesn't bother me, but with each passing second is the closer I get to having a possibly wasted life (say, age 30-40) and death in vein. This isn't what I want to have...

I know, it seems wimpy, but...that's how I feel over this.

I want to make content for friends, but it's never worked since 2012. The only successful thing I have is the DDR videos project in my signature.

What should I do?

Well, let me start off by saying, I appreciate you. You put in all the time and effort into recreating DDR videos in HD. That takes a lot of commitment, and for that, I applaud you.

Everybody deals with procrastination. At that point, it's just a matter of laziness/if you really want to do it or not. This ties in with the workload as well. If it's a huge project that you need to get done, naturally you don't want to do it. The best way to avoid this type of problem is to take it little by little. For example, if you're recreating a DDR video, you should start off with the basic elements first. Start with the simple things like the 3D shapes. Afterwards, work your way up to the textures and end with the animation. Set specific deadlines for yourself, and if you don't meet those deadlines, set restrictions for yourself. If you don't make the shapes by this date, restrict yourself from visiting other websites that would otherwise distract you. Discipline yourself, so that you can get the work done. Also, never ask your friends to help you on a project (unless you can rely on them to get tasks done). Since the work will be based on a friendship-type relationship rather than a work-related relationship, naturally you would just be having fun with them, instead of getting the work done. In short, unless you know that you can have a professional relationship with your friends, put them at the bottom of the list (in terms of people you want to work with).

Everybody's socially awkward, even to an extent. Usually, our only worry is setting a bad first impression. If that's the case, just act how you would usually act. If you usually act shy, you can have that sort of demeanor when conversing with another individual. They know you're nervous and (this is not usually the case) can help put you at ease. When making a friend, start off with things that both of you are interested in. If both of you aren't interested in the same thing, introduce them to one of your interests. Teach them what you're passionate about, and from there, I can guarantee a blossoming friendship. Many of the friends I have made, our friendships were based off of anime, K-Pop, and just our overall perspective on what we conceive as fun. The idea of friendship is that both of you can share each other's emotions. If you fall, they'll be there to laugh at you, but pick you up afterwards.

From a different perspective, a life of solitude may not be a life in vain. Many authors choose to stay isolated because they believe that human interaction can only distract them from their calling. Whichever route you take, know that both sides have pros and cons. I don't see your conflict as 'wimpy'. From your conflict, I see you as a caterpillar, still in its pod, waiting to blossom into a butterfly. One day, you'll overcome this stage of isolation, and you can be surrounded by people you truly love. Even if you continue to stay isolated at the ripened age of 50+, at least you know that you are truly independent, that other human beings are just a distraction to you.

About making content for your friends, that's entirely up to you. You can put in all of your heart and soul into making something for someone, and they can either appreciate your hard work, or see it as you wasting your time. At the end of the day, you're only in charge of yourself. If you feel happy at the end of the day, regardless of what people think, then you shouldn't have to worry. "An artist need not the approval of others, an artist need only please himself"

So the lingering question that you ask: "What should I do?". My answer is simple, do what you think is right. I need not say any more. May you be blessed with good fortune in life, and may you have the strength to overcome this period of isolation.

Stay strong. Love,
A fellow socially awkward person X)

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Right now I'm in a funk because of three reasons... to begin with, I had been dumped by my first real love... even though it's been a while since that happened, only now does the heartache eat me up from within. And earlier this week, this monday to be exact, was supposed to be my father's birthday. BUT. He's already long dead. Having not been able to adress this fact is something that's been tearing me apart too.
And now, I also got to hear that the local arcade I tend to hang around in, is going to shut down next month. Meaning that I have nowhere to go if I'd want to play any ITG or the likes of that.

I have already been on the verge of falling into the downward spiral of living as a "hikikomori" (which basically means "pulling inward"), and I realize that the danger of ending up like that is drawing ever nearer for me.

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-Comes back after being banned for the day- Yay! I'm back!!! -ahem- Sorry.

Let me start it off by saying that late reactions to events like these are normal. I know from my past relationships that I only cried weeks later. At first, I had no -negative- reaction when one of us broke it off. I used to always put the blame on myself for not being a good boyfriend, and apologize to my partner (at the time) afterwards. Somehow, the littlest things in my environment would be triggers only weeks later. I'd look at the restaurant where we ate, or the store that we last visited. I would tear up ever so slightly, and when I got home, I would just let it all out. I remember one time, I explained this to one of my good friends. The best piece of advice that he offered me was this:

"Let it all out right now. Holding it back will only cause problems in the long run."

In short, no matter how much you don't want to, you should just cry. Let out all those negative feelings from the breakup, and let the cherished memories from the relationship merge with your flowing tears. The laughter, the pain, and the passion - let it all flow out. Like my friend said, it will only cause problems in the long run if you hold it back. Cry for as long as you need to. Once you let it all out, I guarantee that you'll feel better, if not slightly. You will need some time to recover after the storm. The best stimulants to speed up the recovery process: Vitamins, some time outside, and electronics rehab (Turn off your computer, phone and TV). Words are not enough to comfort someone. You have to do your part in comforting yourself as well.

I addressed this in a previous post, but I'll be glad to address it once more. Your Father is not dead. Don't ever perceive his passing in that light. His spirit is watching over you to this day, guiding you through life as we speak. You may not know it, but he's with you in the car when you're driving to the store, he's with you in your bedroom before you go to bed, and most importantly... He's in your heart. I know you couldn't celebrate his birthday, but I know of a solution. The next time you go to bed and pray...At the end of your prayer...Wish him a Happy Birthday. I can guarantee you, that one simple sentence alongside your prayer is the best present you could ever give your Father. Once more, he may not be there with you physically, but he is with you spiritually. Now, if you're an atheist, you can go ahead and ignore this entire paragraph. I'm not sure this entire paragraph will even apply to you (if you're atheist); however, if you have a little bit of faith in you...Put it to good use.

As for your arcade shutting down, I can relate. Back when I was 7, I would visit my local arcade everyday. Whenever my Mom would take me to the mall a couple blocks down, I would always ask her if I could go to the arcade. Naturally, she would always comply and put a $5 bill in my hand. I would rush over to the arcade, get change from my $5 and slap those coins in the DDR machine. I would always play until I ran out of breath and sat down on the pad. I did this for 8 years. I made so many friends (I even met a DDR Champion who won a freestyle competition back in '02. He was stationed in Japan at the time), and my skills improved throughout those years. One day, I rushed over to where the arcade was. When I got there, the barriers were lowered so that no one could enter. I thought to myself "Hmm...Maybe they're just renovating. They'll be back and open by tomorrow!". I told my Mom about it and she told me not to worry about it. I shrugged it off and went to go eat some lunch with my Mother. When I came back the next day, all the machines were gone. Let me tell you, the look on my face was one of sorrow and anger. The first thing I did was post an update on my Facebook. I got so many responses within a span of 10 minutes - all of them felt the same as I did. I did not know what to do from then on. A couple weeks later, the arcade was closed down for good. The barriers were still lowered, the letters were taken down (leaving a dirty outline of the arcade's name on where it used to be), and a black tarp covered the glass windows as well as the entrance. To this day, my friends who visited that arcade regularly, now go to play DDR at a bowling alley a couple miles away from the mall. I never have time to go to the bowling alley, but I still visit my local mall regularly. I cherish all the moments that have been created at that mall. I still frequent shops that I visited back as a kid (GameStop, Hot Topic, etc.) and every time I pass by where the arcade used to be (It's now a tutoring center), I have the widest smile on my face. Even though you lost that local arcade, there are still plenty of other places out there. You just have to put in the effort, and look. If you can't find one, just recreate the experience in your home. Buy a compatible USB dance pad (metal if you can afford it), plug it into your computer and boot up Stepmania. Stepmania has always been my secondary source of childhood nostalgia. It's also the main reason why I frequent this site - with just one little download button, I can relive my childhood through simfiles and a home dance pad. With that, I'm quite happy.

Wow, this post was longer than expected. Anyways, may life bring you good fortune from this point on. If you still need some help, I'll be here 24/7.

Stay strong. Love,
A Kid at Heart

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So in the fall, I am going to be sharing a suite with five friends I made in my freshman year. However, they make lots of gross jokes (transphobic, ableist, you name it). When I tell them to stop (like I've told the "main" friend at least twice to not say "retarded") they just kind of ignore it. I'm afraid that if I try to take it further, they'll hate me and/or not want me to live with them anymore. And I know that's ridiculous, but I just don't know what to do about it.

What I'm about to post is something I kinda already brought up in another thread, but I do not believe I got the responses I hoped for.

Basically, over the course of seven years which I have played DDR/ITG/PIU, every now & then I would get interrupted by a kid/child by them walking up to the pads/buttons when I am still playing. And I will tell you right now, nothing, and I mean nothing upsets me more than being distracted/interrupted by a kid/child while I am playing DDR/ITG.

One particular recent event really drove me past my breaking point. All other previous incidents, I would simply shrug off the occurrence and go about my business as usual. But this day was different...

I got to a college in NYC, just 2-5 minutes away from Dave & Buster's Times Square by subway, so I make it a routine to go to D & B before, between, or after classes, given I have sufficient time to pay a visit.

So this past Wednesday, my morning Philosphy class was cancelled (even though i didn't believe it due to it being April Fools Day), and my Modern Physics class isn't for another six hours, so I decide to kill some time in my [formerly] favorite arcade. So, I'm just going around D & B, with 250 chips on my card, worth $40+, but only cost me $20 thanks to a coupon I used before Wednesday, and it's 1/2 Off Games Wednesdays as usual. After I run out of prizes to win from the claw machines (I only really go for licensed plush toys in the standard size claw machines, or anything easy to win in the giant claw machine), I randomly decide to play DDR X (since there was nowhere else to play). So I get through my first song with no problems. But then, when I get to song #2, I start having problems with the left arrow panel, and nearly failed as a result.

After this, a man & his family are watching me, and his child steps up to the pad, and proceeds to try to play, and I kindly & gently try to gesture him off of the pad with my arm, trying to let the family know that I am not done with my game. The man decides to yell at me, and threaten me with an intimidating look/tone, repeatedly telling me, "Don't touch my son!" And, I get scared really easily, trying to apologize, and attempting to explain to them that I am not done with my game of DDR, and that one swipe equals three songs, but they keep thinking that one swipe equals one song, and that I am hogging DDR X. So here I am the victim of someone else's idiocy, ignorance, and unethical act, and absolutely sweet FA is being done about it.

So I play my third song (which was picked by the interrupting child), feeling very distraught by this encounter, So afterwards, O grab my stuff, and walk up to the Winner's Circle to complain to an employee who knew me as a regular customer. So I get the manager called in, and I explain to him & the employees what happened. Then, we eventually find the family, and they explain to the manager their side of the story, proclaiming that their child is autistic.

Apparently, it is not their fault that their child is autistic, and therefore "cannot" realize what he was doing to me. But apparently, it is OK to be threatening me & intimidating me in an unfair way, ruining not only my game of DDR, but my entire day.

The man was such a jerk who didn't respect or understand the fact that it was not their turn, and i was not done with my game of DDR, and that his kid was interfering with my session, and trying to pick a song for me (which he succeeded in doing because I was too busy scared that I was about to get hurt or shot or arrested). So what was I supposed to do? Let the supposedly autistic kid interrupt my game, wasting MY money, and let the man bully me like that?

So, I get no compensation, just a "sorry, their child is supposedly autistic, so it's 'not their fault' and there is nothing we can do for you." At this point, I am on the verge of tears (something that almost never happens in public, but happens a lot in private since I am very sensitive, and get hurt easily), and decide to call out the manager & his employee on everything their arcade has gotten wrong, particularly about DDR. And, apparently, i am the bad guy here because some people do not understand the concept of "wait for your turn", or that some games have more than one shot/credit/song per card swipe, and that someone's child could not be blamed, simply for being autistic (which i don't believe the child was).

So, I decide to leave D & B, swearing to never go back to that arcade ever again. And, I proceed to go to the Red Lobster down the block, and eat there for lunch, in an effort to take my mind off of the situation. Despite how expensive it was (and moreso given it was in NYC), I figured it was only fitting that I went since Red Lobister is one of my most favorite restaurants out there.

After keaving Red Lobster, there was still 4 hours before class, but since I was still traumatized by the event that unfolded inside D & B, which used to be my very own sanctuary, a place where I could take my mind off of the stressors in my life, and simply have fun (and attempt to make a profit off of the prizes). But now I clearly see that it was time that I stopped going here completely, and simply focus on my college work (and not spending money).

With that said, after looking back to all of those previous incidents of being interrupted by children/kids during DDR/ITG, with some incidents leaving me being yelled at by ignorant, overprotective parents who cannot even keep their own children/kids close by to begin with, and especially after this "no fooling on April Fool's Day" incident at D & B, I am now comtemplating putting an end to my DDR/ITG career AND my arcade hobby altogether.

Clearly, I cannot go to a public "anyplace" and play any games without even the most remote possibility of being interrupted by some clueless youth, and then getting the blame for it's occurrence by the ignorant, neglectful adults who probably don't even know the first thing about "The Golden Rule" or even how half the games i play even function.

On top of that, despite how cheap I get all of my arcade prizes (plush toys, earphones, watches, jewelry, etc; ), barely anyone ever buys anything from me on eBay, which bothers me, because I'm trying to make some money here in the only way I could possibly enjoy, and I am desperately trying to find a way to get my hands on $4,000 for a Summer college math class i have to take, because i am currently in danger of not graduating from college on time, because I am behind on my math classes. And on top of that, I have to commute between my home & two different campuses of the same college. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, i go to a campus in midtown Manhattan which takes two hours each way (1 bus, 1-2 trains). On Tuesdays & Thursdays, I have to commute to a different campus (becausthe Manhattan campus would not offer certain courses i needed to take) all the way out in nassau County, Long Island, which can take up to FOUR HOURS each way (2 buses, 2 trains, or 4 buses), so getting money for a car (and EZPass) would also be nice.

So in short, I figured it was best that I quit DDR/ITG completely, because seven years of stressing over not having good enough locations that last, missing out on all of the action in the ITG community, not having tournaments held in NY as a result of previous statement, wasting money & time just for DDR/ITG, having to deal with other people around me whilst in arcades, is all just too much for me to take anymore.

And, clearly, my little "advantage playing arcades & making money off of them" business idea just won't cut it anymore (unless this little "sob story" of mine miraculously & spontaneously generates a county's worth of buyers), and simply isn't worth wasting my money, wasting travel & commute time (sometimes, I spend three hours each way in commuting time just to get to an arcade i like), and my YouTube videos based off of my arcade visits, and ITG playing, barely get any attention, unless I spam myself everywhere.

So in short, I'm having a really bad year here. :-( And if any of you have managed to read this whole thing, and have some help to offer for me, I thank you greatly from the bottom of my heart.

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Okay, let me just say as someone who happens to be high-functioning autistic, I really hate it when people play the autism card for no good reason, whether it's the kid or a parent. Yes, I get that your child may or may not be able to comprehend certain things or they have certain tics that are beyond their control. Trust me, I know. I've been there. But you can't use a disability just as an excuse to get out of trouble whenever you want, and based on what you've written that seems to be what the family was trying to do (and unfortunately, succeeded in doing). Rather than say "Well he's autistic and doesn't know you're still playing, so it's 100% okay to disrupt you because he doesn't understand/can't help it", I would have instead attempted to redirect the child, and if that didn't work remove him from the area. Make an effort to teach the child what's right and what's not. It may take longer for him but it's totally possible if you just try. You paid money for that round of DDR, it's not right for you to get interrupted.

Of course, I wasn't there so I can't say for sure whether he was actually autistic or not. He could have been, maybe high-functioning, but I don't know. Nothing you said suggests it.

Really sucks that you ended up getting humiliated in public. Try not to let it bother you so much though. Just know that, as far as I can see anyways, you didn't do anything wrong.

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This is something minor to me, but it came to my attention that I am a bad ditherer. I am not that great in decision making, to be honest, because I always fear for the consequences that I will occur, particularly afraid of offending someone or hurting one's feelings. Add to the fact that I am always, ALWAYS hesitant. Many things I am faced with feels like a right-or-wrong situation to me, so many thoughts running through my head saying "Do it!!" or "Don't do it!!" (pun intended). Situations like give me a little anxiety.

And this concerns many people I know, most of the time, my family. ESPECIALLY by family. We want to go out, but I want to stay, then I get into situations where I am 50/50 and most of the time I choose to stay for reasons I never really want to tell. I'm lazy as f***. And then after they leave where I make the very last minute decision I start feeling guilty over what I just choose, contemplating the decision I should have taken instead. And it happens ALL THE TIME. It makes me want to start facepalming myself because of my stupidity and insensitivity.

It might just be me. Or it might be my needs for solitude. Or it's because I'm an Aspie. I don't know. Pardon my rambling. I can't explain this the way my brain can explain this.

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Okay. #beginrant

My life as of now is still decent but there have been some issues dwindling on me that honestly have had some negative impact on my emotional and to some extent physical life. In the last few years, my mother has had some bad tendencies whenever she gets angry or upset about something. I had nearly the same issue at one point with my trading card club when I would lose a part of my deck. I did once, got mad and started accusing everyone about who stole it. One member would years later identify who stole said card, but it was too late. The club was a little shady back in my early days of high school. Around this very same year, my mother struck with her intense mood. I was a little bit upset at one point about something that wasn't too good or whatever, maybe I was having a bad day/bad grades or whatever, so I call up my mom and ask about staying after for trading card club. She agrees that I can go to relieve whatever stress that came around. Only problem, she had to work until 6 P.M. at her workplace (which I would usually come by and help out there every Wednesday or so). My dad was also unavailable due to work. I really did not have many friends back in 9th grade high school for me, so thinking I would be in solitude for over 3 hours just became even worse to the heart-wrenching situation from stress I was already having. I honestly could not remain in solitude and be patient until 6 in the evening, I thought my parents were nuts! So eventually, a co-worker from my mom's workplace eventually gets me and I show up there until my mom got out for the day. I tried to still remain calm by testing my deck in the break room and whatnot. Stress continue to build up in my emotional part of me.
That's when things broke loose. I ended up becoming the more impatient and desire to leave was so gigantic I didn't know what would happen first, the world collapsing, my death from bad stress or my mom scolding me from pestering about my impatience. Unfortunately, the later struck. She wanted a major break from a bad day at her work plus me. On the ride back, I became more and more apologetic about how my life has been. My apologetic nature and trying to rebuild and my mom's "I don't want to hear it" mentality did not meet my emotions in a calm and rational way. I had some suicidal thoughts going through my mind at this point. My dad then give me some reason as to why I should not die and what might happen because of that. After that, life went a little bit smoothly from then.
Emotional trouble would happen later with not my mom, but a CHEMISTRY TEACHER from my 10th grade year. Things unfortunately did not go so well in that class at all. At first we had a decent teacher who went on leave because of her son getting sick and eventually her. Sad. We then had a replacement sub for about a semester I think. A new teacher would then take over at around the third quarter of the year. She did not like the most of the class' behavior at all. So while doing a unit in molecular calculations, after the class not getting it, the teacher scolds EVERYONE by telling them what they cannot do in this class in an unwelcoming, angry and disturbed tone. After all that, I actually legitimately cried afterwards and had told her about what happened next day. After that, I realized that working conditions are really important to how I will live my life.
11th grade. English III is not the worst course I've ever taken (you can thank my fucking chemistry class for that) but recently, the kids in the back of the room as well as few of the other African-American students (I swear I'm not being racist) not taking any action in the class and just acting all lazy like. I though about saying "If you don't want to be here then leave!" If everyone who didn't want to learn leave, only a small number of us would remain. Later on in that year, after a civility workshop in a class as a required co-curricular, I realized after the lecture that my whole entire high-school life was a lie, a big fat lie. Living through a horrible pandemonium that was Chemistry and the other horrible room English III. I wanted more civility EVERYWHERE. I just wanted there to be order. No one has still listened to me or respected my wishes ever since I learned about it.
Even now, my mom stuck again when her cloud data was apparently lost from her phone contacts. It started when I was taking notes from a video seminar for Intermediate Algebra, she told me to come to her office in one of the most unhappy manner. She told me to fins an issue to this problem with all that I knew, I knew barely much so she thought "Oh because I don't know the answer, means I don't do shit for me" so she just became the same mom who was annoyed her son for being impatient at her former workplace, 2 years ago. I sometimes, even to this day consider self-harm as a possible coping mechanism for my future.

Tl;dr (but I hope you did): Life kinda sucks because of my emotional instability.

Anyone can offer decent help for me?

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