The Joke Thread

what's the i had a stroke and said "taste" instead of "difference" difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

one of them tastes like an X scale 19

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I...uh...what? Is that English?



What's black, white and starving?

David Bowie's cat.

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Texan, and a Mexican are all on an airplane when the pilot says that only one of them can stay on. So, the Englishman jumps first, saying "God save the Queen!" The Frenchman jumps off next, saying "Vive le France!" Then the Texan throws the Mexican off the plane, saying "Remember the Alamo!"

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Why did the DDR player curse at the announcer when he got 2 Goods?
"GOOD, GOOD! Keep on going!"

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Mom: Son, the school bus is here.
Son: Mom, why do I have to take the bus?
Mom: Because all your classmates do.
Son: That's because they live far away. As for us, school's just next door.

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I'd like to tell a joke about steak, but they're never well done

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Two guys walk into a bar, knock knock!

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Honestly, steak jokes are a rare medium well done.

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Why do dancers say "5, 6, 7, 8?"

Because musicians already took "1, 2, 3, 4."

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Q: What do you call when an offended person wields a firearm?
A: Triggered happy.

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My ex used to say she liked her coffee how she liked her men.

In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have poured it up her arse.

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Why can't Ray Charles read?

Because he's dead.

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What do you call a black man flying a plane?

The pilot, you fucking racist.

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Why aren't koalas actual bears?

Because they don't meet the koala-fications.

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How do you turn a cat into a dog? Get some gasoline, light a match, and....WOOF

Before Pvt. Al Klein joined the army, he first had to undergo basic training.

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ZIv

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my life

GET IT

MY LIFE IS A JOKE

WAHAHAHAHAHA

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My entire profile.

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Your entire profile? More like your entire existence.



jkjkjkjkjk you're gr8 i'm just busting your chops please don't kill me

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