The Wrestling Thread

HEY

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Remember when I cancelled the WWE network after wasting 30% of my day wathing Wrestlemania? Well, I kinda just reordered it a couple hours ago, to catch up with NXT. I didn't know Payback was the next PayPerView. Usually Extreme Rules is after Wrestlemania, but whatever. Thankfully, Roman Reigns is still WWE World Heavyweight Champion, AND is gaining more cheers on TV. Fans are starting to realize Roman Reigns is talent. He's only getting better and better, in my opinion. Anyways, is there any Match on Payback I should be looking forward to?

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I am a bit bored of Reigns tbh, I would love AJ beating him up and gettin the Championship

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If Reigns wins, there's gonna be a riot. Calling it now.

Predictions for I Can't Believe It's Not Backlash

Kalisto def. Ryback in Preshow Title Match, because no one cares and i flipped a coin
Cesaro def. Miz in IC Title Match, because why wouldn't you
Corbin def. Ziggler in Who Has The Worst Hair Match, because fuck off ziggles
Owens def. Zayn in Olé Match via SHENANIGANS
Ambrose def. Jericho in A Year Late Match, because i will end myself if ambrose loses clean at a PPV again
Enzo/Cass def. Vaudevillains in a Squash Match, because s-a-w-f-t
Natalya def. Charlotte in A Does Anyone Actually Care Match, because does anyone actually care
AJ def. Reigns in A Confirmed Riot If Reigns Wins Clean Match

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I reordered the WWE Network recently, and I ultimately decided to review Payback 2016, the one WWE PPV that's been in Chicago every fuckin' year! Also LOL TROLOLOLOLOL CM PUNK DIDN'T RETURN. In the bright side, starting now, I'm gonna start rating these fucking Matches out of 10.

Pre-Show:

Match: Dolph Ziggley Ziggloo Ziggler vs. Baron Corbin
Result: Dolph Ziggler wins the same way Mario pulls off wins against Bowser.
Rating: 2/10 Remember rumors about Dolph Ziggler leaving the WWE last Summer? That should've happened.
My comment: Why didn't the man, who just came from NXT, win this match? Is it because this is the first PPV of a new era? I don't know.

Match: For the USA Championship, LUCHA OVER 9000 KALISTO vs. Ryback who deserves a push, and made me laugh mocking CM Punk (TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL CM PUNK CAN'T DO NOTHING ABOUT IT)
Result: LOLKALISTOWINS
Rating: 1/10 LUCHA LUCHA LUCHA LUCHA LUCHA BURY RYBACK BURY RYBACK BURY RYBACK BURY RYBACK BURY RYBACK
My comment: Don't miss it! Kalisto will face Ryback for the USA Championship at the pre-show of Extreme Rules, then at the pre-show of Money in the Bank, then at the pre-show of Battleground, then at the pre-show of Summerslam, then at the pre-show of every PPV for the rest of our miserable lives. NEW ERA OF WWE, FOLKS.

Main Show:

Segment: The New Day comes out and talks about fucking tag team championship shit.
Result: Nothing. They just talked.
Rating: 5/10 because yeah I rate segments too.
My comment: We already know the New Day is gonna cheat their way to victory whenever the #1 Contenders for the Tag Team Championship fights them. NEW ERA OF WWE, FOLKS.

Match: Enzo and Big Cass vs. the Vaudevillains
Result: The match auto-stopped after Enzo botched sliding and knocked himself out cold.
Rating: Would've been 8/10 if the Match didn't abruptly end, because I know how talented both teams are.
My comment: Holy shit, they're not fuckin' lying about this era being new. If this was the last era, the Vaudevillains would've won by KO because yeah "da show must go on"

Match: Talented wresler who loses every rivalry (Sami Zayn) vs. Canadian Chuck Norris (Kevin Owens)
Result: LOLOWENSWINS
Rating: 10/10 - IGN, Good Match overall.
My comment: Kevin Owens bullies the commentators after the match. Also he bragged about being the best. TROLOLOLOLOLOLOL BEST IN THE WORLD CM PUNK DIDN'T COME OUT, and then Kevin Owens goes to the commentary table for the next Match.

Match: Intercontinental Championship hot potato / Cesaro vs. the Miz
Result: Sami Zayn returned at the commentary table to fight Kevin Owens. ROUND 2. FIGHT. Their brawling distracted the ref, and, of course, LOLMIZWINS
Rating: 0/10 The Miz wins. Auto 0.
My comment: NEW ERA OF WWE, FOLKS.

Match: Dean Ambrose vs. Evil Chris Jericho
Result: Holy shit, Dean Ambrose won a PPV match? I'm shocked.
Rating: Solid 8/10
My comment: Do you remember the last time Dean Ambrose won a rivalry? NEITHER DO I.

Match: Charlotte with Human Action Replay vs. Natalya with Bret Hart
Result: *sigh*
Rating: 0/10 Charlotte wins. Auto 0.
My comment: So Charlotte puts Natalya in the Sharpshooter then the Ref nope'd the Match and ringed the bell, when Natalya never tapped out. Chicago Screwjob because yeah. NEW ERA OF WWE, FOLKS.

Segment: Vince McMahon runs his mouth
Result: Vince McMahon decides to put BOTH STEPHANIE AND SHANE as the GM of RAW.
Rating: 5/10 SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU ALL TALK TOO MUCH
My comment: I don't mind Shane and Stephanie running RAW. Shane is talented and Stephanie is really sexy in my opinion. <3 ALSO LOL to Vince McMahon playing along with the CM Punk chants because TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL of fucking course he wouldn't return.

Match: Roman Reigns vs. AJ Styles
Result: The Bullet Club interferes, then the Usos (NOT CM PUNK OR SETH ROLLINS/SHIELD REUNION TROLOLOLOLOLOL) saves Roman, then Roman Reigns won what was a great Match.
Rating: 10/10 ROMAN REIGNS IS TALENT IDGAF WHO DISAGREES
My comment: I'm happy Roman Reigns retained the title! What a good way to end the show! I BELIEVED IN ROMAN REIGNS.

Overall Show Rating: 4/10. The Miz and Charlotte still won their Matches, Ryback has been buried by that little bitch, and TROLOLOLOLOLOL CM PUNK DIDN'T RETURN TROLOLOLOLOL. WWE said this fucking PPV was the first PPV of a new era. This piece of shit wasn't any different from past the 3 years of WWE PPV's. Why the fuck you lying?

MMMMM O MAH GAWD, STOP FUKKIN LYYIN

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Fuck off with that pussy Roman Empire shit. I'm Quickman, and I represent the Bullet Club... fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh-for life.

(WE'VE GOT A FEUD GOING HERE LADS)

- CM Punk will not return.
- Roman sucks.
- The New Day are faces, they're not gonna cheat.
- Pre-Show will never not be shit.
- Ryback is the worst thing ever and you're stupid for liking him

AJ/Roman rematch at Extreme Rules confirmed as early as the fucking end of the PPV, so who was surprised to see AJ lose once they said that? Once again, nothing interesting. Gallows/Anderson didn't turn on AJ, there was no definite heel or face in the match, and everyone booed Roman winning. Match was enjoyable, ending was garbage. It's not okay when Cena buries people for no reason, it isn't okay when Triple H does it, and it isn't okay when Roman does it. No one likes him, belee dat. If AJ doesn't walk out of Extreme Rules with the belt, even if he has to turn heel to do it, we should probably start giving up. 8/10 for match, -14/10 for Reigns somehow getting pushed.

For some unknown reason, WWE thought it would be a good idea to recreate the Montreal Screwjob and have Charlotte win via Sharpshooter because Charles Robinson is Charles Robinson. How much do you want to bet that won't get explained on RAW? 7/10 for match.

Jericho/Ambrose was great. The two just seem to click. Also Ambrose actually won. 9/10.

Miz/Cesaro was another great match, but I can't help but feel they are really stretching with Miz as a champion. If you need a heel champ, why did you even take the belt off KO at all? 8.5/10.

Enzo & Cass v. Vaudevillains was going well, but then Enzo died. getwellsoon/10

thend

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lmao Quickman I declare war.

Roman Empire vs. Bullet Club.

(Brock's voice) Let's. Do. Thiii-IIISSSS.

(I'm not serious lol)

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*Lesnar voice crack*

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I am tired of Roman Reigns, fuck off pls omg

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This is not meant to be taken seriously.

Welcome to WWEMK (Standing for World Wrestling Entertainment Mortal Kombat) where I, Ham, put an imaginary show of what should fucking happen in WWE, and I'm the General Manager.. Also I'm pissed off so WARNING: SUPER VIOLENCE.

Commentary Booth consists of: Jim Ross, Joey Styles, and a heel Jerry Lawler. (the dream commentary team)

Match: Kalisto vs. Scorpion for the USA Championship
Result: Face reality. Scorpion blows fire onto Kalisto then pins him and wins, then the doctors extinguishes the fire off of Kalisto, YAY HE'S NOT DEAD LUCHA LUCHA HE'S NOT DEAD HE'S NOT DEAD HE'S NOT DEAD LUCHA LUCHA LUCHA LUCHA. Also that's the last of Kalisto for a fuckin' year. TOASTY!!!

Backstage Segment: Kevin Owens walks his fatass in Ham's office and disrespects him saying "ME WANT INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP BLAH BLAH" Ham replies with "Mother fucker, who are you talking to? First off, you need a championship in the fucking Gym, you fat bitch. Second off, idek why people fucking cheer your annoying ass, but then again, they cheered Daniel Bryan too. Third off, you're in a match, with a mystery opponent, who is NOT on the current roster, because I'm not a Troll or a McMahon." Kevin Owens whines then walks off.

Match: Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte for the Women's Championship
Result: Before the Match, Ham fucking ties Ric Flair (with barbed wire, not rope) to the fucking truck in the Parking Lot, resulting into this Match being a /fair/ Match. Sasha Banks cleanly wins. Fucking finally. After the Match, Kharma returns and fucks up Charlotte.

Backstage Segment: Ham is shaking Raiden's hand, and handing him a title opportunity against Roman Reigns at the Main Event.

Match: Kevin Owens vs. Mystery Opponent
Result: Ham comes out and says "And your opponent is....AH, fuck it. I'm done stalling. Let's impress the fans for once." CM Punk returns and defeats Kevin Owens.

Backstage Segment: Summer Rae becomes Ham's cougar girlfriend, because she deserves better. After that, Ham walks to the Social Outcasts and tells Curtis Axel he's the #1 Contender for the REINSTATED World Heavyweight Championship, because the BRAND SPLIT RETURNS, and Curtis Axel is talent. There will be a fucking Draft Lottery on RAW this monday. LOL did you think this event is RAW? TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL this is supposed to be a Live Event on a Saturday Night.

Match: Curtis Axel vs. Mystery Opponent for the World Heavyweight Championship
Result: So who is his opponent? Suddenly, Ricardo Rodrigues comes out to a big pop, and announces Axel's opponent... "*speaks Spanish then says....* ....ALBERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..... DEL RIO." Alberto Del Rio is Curtis Axel's opponent. LOLDELRIOWINS. Just kidding. Curtis Axel pulls a fucking miracle and wins the World Heavyweight Championship, and becomes the leader of the Smackdown Roster.

Match: Braun Strowman is in a Singles Contest for the first time since I don't fucking know!
Result: So....who is Braun Strowman's opponent?

DANKEY KANG MAKES HIS DEBUT IN A MATCH. Dankey Kang yells "MMMMMMMMMMMMMM RINGS" then eats the hall of fame ring out of Jim Ross's finger. Braun Strowman gives Dankey Kang the wtf look. Dankey Kang re-enters the ring then simply pokes Braun Strowman's stomach, and that knocked Strowman out cold. Dankey Kang pinned him and won.

Match: Now it is time for the Main Event! Roman Reigns vs. Raiden for the WWE Championship
Result: Raiden repeatedly does that hovering move to Roman Reigns then strikes him with lightning. Raiden goes to pin Roman Reigns, BUT ROMAN KICKS OUT AT TWO. Roman Reigns honestly is no fuckin' Match for Raiden....but that's when some person/people will run out and save Reigns. THE USOS SAVES HIM just kidding. JOHN CENA SAVES HIM just kidding again. UGH, okay, I'll stop stalling. Dean Ambrose runs out, then Seth Rollins returns, then the Shield reforms as they pummel Raiden then Triple Powerbomb him. Also, yes, Roman Reigns yelled "OOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUWWWWWAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH" before the Triple Powerbomb.

Jerry Lawler: "What kind of shit is that? That's a disqualification!"
Joey Styles: "OH MY GOD!!!"
Jim Ross: "What a Slobber Knocker! Now THAT'S a Blockbuster Main Event! Thank you for tuning in on WWEMK!"

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OMG. Even though I am not into wrestling, I read this thread - specifically the above post - for no reason whatsoever and died laughing when DANKEY KANG made his debut in a match. I'm still losing it right now, as I type. You made my day, hamsand210-final!

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Segment 1: The show starts with the typical Cole introduction of RAW. The New Day's theme song then hits and the usual promo goes on. Xavier makes a sly plug for UpUpDownDown and Kofi mocks the Vaudevillains, who then come out. New Day challenge them to a match, which they accept on the grounds that it's for the Tag Team Titles. The match is quickly started.

Match 1: Kofi Kingston and Big E Langston (c) def. The Vaudevillains. This can be the usual New Day match, as the crowd eats Xavier's ringside antics right up. Big E gets the pinfall with the Big Ending and the show swiftly moves on.

Segment 2: Minor segment where the Miz and Maryse talk about how AAAAAAAWESOOOOOOOME they are. Shane O'Mac suddenly turns up and tells them that later that the Miz will defend his Intercontinental Championship in a Fatal-4-Way elimination match at Extreme Rules. The other three men in the match are yet to be revealed.

Match 2: Baron Corbin def. Apollo Crews. Since Corbin didn't get the win at Payback, he automatically lost a lot of momentum that he had coming onto the main roster. Handily beating Apollo Crews with the End of Days should help him get that back.

Match 3: Dean Ambrose def. Ryback. Ambrose should be riding a wave of momentum at the minute after a clean win over Chris Jericho.

Segment 3: After Ryback is defeated, Ambrose sets up an impromptu Ambrose Asylum to announce that Stephanie McMahon told him earlier tonight he would be one of the four men in the elimination match for the IC Title at Extreme Rules.

Segment 4: AJ, Gallows and Anderson have some banter backstage about what happened at Payback. While AJ clearly doesn't want his title win to be because his friends practically hand it to him, Anderson tells AJ that "things will change at Extreme Rules" and that Reigns would have to be "bullet proof" to win.

Match 4: Gallows and Anderson def. The Lucha Dragons. Gallows and Anderson are people I want to see in actually matches a lot more. Sin Cara and Kalisto do some impressive stuff, Kalisto even doing a Shooting Star Press to the outside which gets a "holy shit" chant going, but in the end, Sin Cara gets nailed with the Magic Killer for the finish.

Segment 5: Stephanie laughs about how her idea to stick Ambrose in the IC Title match at Extreme Rules was a complete embarassment for Shane, but Shane tells her to wait until the end of the show because he's got something up his sleeve that will completely upstage her.

Match 5: Charlotte def. Paige. Because obligatory Women's match.

Segment 6: This is the closing moment of the show. Yes, really. You'll soon see why. Roman Reigns comes out with his just-defended title and talks about the upcoming rematch with AJ Styles and how he "whooped his ass once" and how he'll "whoop his ass again". AJ comes out to tell Reigns that his days are numbered and that he won't be pushed around by someone who only got to the top because of his cousin. AJ gets in the ring and the two exchange heated words for a while until HERE COMES THE MONEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYY Shane O'Mac comes out and decides that Styles/Reigns shouldn't main event twice in a row. He says the match needed something extra, something to add some spice. He then says that someone who wants the title more than either of them got in touch with Shane and specifically asked to be in the match at Extreme Rules. Revealing that the match is now an Extreme Rules Triple Threat, Shane points to the Titantron aaaaaaaaaand...


SEE HOW EASY IT IS TO MAKE SOMETHING EXCITING, VINCE

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Holy crap, that would be a good idea lmao

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RAW report.

Zack Ryder is not getting a push.
Rusev is.
Roman looks strong.
The Usos somehow manage to beat up Gallows/Anderson.
This is why God hates us.

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Tru, but it makes things interesting haha

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It only just occurred to me that Enzo and Cass are the new John Cena and B², only it kinda works

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Does this mean Enzo will get fifteen title runs

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Ryback quit WWE apparently, due to contract problems....I think. Christ, that's another loss WWE has to suffer.

It doesn't help they released 3 talents (Alex Riley, Damien Sandow, Wade Barrett) and some superstars who kinda had to leave at this point.

I'd also like to give a shout out to the RAW crowd monday for reducing the booing to Roman Reigns. I'm totally rooting for him on Extreme Rules. Seth Rollins needs to hurry the hell up and reunite the Shield. BELIEVE THAT.

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lmao i missed you quickman

I am kinda sick of the Usos too, tbfh. Replace them with Ambrose and Rollins, dammit.

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(5/16/16)

I'm gonna have fun reviewing Extreme Rules 2016 this Sunday. I don't know why this wasn't after Wrestlemania, but yeah.

Believe that.

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