Post #24281 · Posted at 2015-06-05 06:24:22pm 10.2 years ago
Quote: JunkoXXX
How does the Venus flytrap (name of species is not capitalized, except Venus, because it is the name of a planet/god)digest their prey? First, they produce the syrup to attract their prey. (They goes with their) The flytrap closes its trap, (compound sentence needs a comma) then the digestion begins. It takes up to two weeks to finish the digestion, but if the insect is too big enough (redundant), (needs comma before then) then digestion will stop (if statement). (1.) Then, the flytrap goes through bacterial decline and dies in a the matter of two weeks(1.) If the insect is small enough, then its doom begins. The flytrap has this acid that absorbs the soft part of the insect’s body. Then, the flytrap open its jaws and drops the skeleton after two weeks. You should reword this. (1.)
EDIT: I think that should be all of them now
Post #24282 · Posted at 2015-06-05 06:26:05pm 10.2 years ago
 Astroman129 | |
|---|---|
 |
Member |
| 1,958 Posts | |
 | |
| Reg. 2010-02-25 | |
  | |
| " ♫~~ I'm wired to the world ~~♫" | |
There are more grammar mistakes than that. There are comma splices and missing commas as well.
Post #24283 · Posted at 2015-06-05 06:34:18pm 10.2 years ago
| darkanine | |
|---|---|
 |
Member+ |
| 1,373 Posts | |
| | |
| Reg. 2014-06-30 | |
| "new phone who dis" | |
I think I got all of them now.
Post #24284 · Posted at 2015-06-05 06:37:50pm 10.2 years ago
| Astroman129 | |
|---|---|
|
Member |
| 1,958 Posts | |
| | |
| Reg. 2010-02-25 | |
| |
| " ♫~~ I'm wired to the world ~~♫" | |
Nope, still missing some stuff. Also, I'd consider varying the transitions up a bit. There are two "then"s in a matter of just five words.
Post #24285 · Posted at 2015-06-05 06:39:17pm 10.2 years ago
| JunkoXXX | |
|---|---|
 |
Banned+ |
| 595 Posts | |
| | |
| Reg. 2014-04-25 | |
| "I have no words for my life" | |
Quote: Astroman129
Nope, still missing some stuff. Also, I'd consider varying the transitions up a bit. There are two "then"s in a matter of just five words.
i'll be right back in ten minutes. Post #24286 · Posted at 2015-06-05 06:40:16pm 10.2 years ago
| gameboy573 | |
|---|---|
 |
Member |
| 428 Posts | |
| | |
| Reg. 2007-04-19 | |
 | |
| "Thank you for releasing me!" | |
How does the Venus flytrap digest its prey? First, it produces the syrup to attract its prey. The flytrap closes its trap, and then the digestion begins. It takes up to two weeks to finish the digestion, but if the insect is too big, then digestion will stop (1). Then, the flytrap goes through bacterial decline and dies in a matter of two weeks (1). If the insect is small enough, then its doom begins. The flytrap has this acid that absorbs the soft part of the insect’s body. Then, the flytrap opens its jaws and drops the skeleton after two weeks (1).
I fixed some more mistakes, and fixed the citations. I made the first two sentences singular to be consistent with the rest of the paragraph. And I didn't change the transitions, but I agree with Astroman, find a word other than 'then'. The thesaurus is your friend.
Post #24287 · Posted at 2015-06-05 06:42:46pm 10.2 years ago
What did I miss? Also, I agree, you should use more words like "after" and "next".
gameboy573 found the ones I missed.
gameboy573 found the ones I missed.
Post #24288 · Posted at 2015-06-05 06:45:27pm 10.2 years ago
| gameboy573 | |
|---|---|
|
Member |
| 428 Posts | |
| | |
| Reg. 2007-04-19 | |
| |
| "Thank you for releasing me!" | |
Other than changing the first sentences to singular, you missed "it produces the syrup", "The flytrap closes its trap, and then digestion begins", "The flytrap has this acid", and "the flytrap opens its jaws".
I'm a college senior, so I've had a bit of experience with proofreading
I'm a college senior, so I've had a bit of experience with proofreading
Post #24289 · Posted at 2015-06-05 07:17:31pm 10.2 years ago
| JunkoXXX | |
|---|---|
|
Banned+ |
| 595 Posts | |
| | |
| Reg. 2014-04-25 | |
| "I have no words for my life" | |
Okay I got it fixed. I'll post it later. I'll be back on in an hour.
Post #24290 · Posted at 2015-06-06 04:46:11pm 10.2 years ago
| TBLKitten | |
|---|---|
 |
Member |
| 549 Posts | |
| | |
| Reg. 2014-01-29 | |
| "HAPPY☆SPENDY☆MONEY" | |
old apartment's internet:
new house's internet
oh boy i'm loving this
new house's internet
oh boy i'm loving this
Post #24291 · Posted at 2015-06-06 05:05:56pm 10.2 years ago
| BemaniHyper | |
|---|---|
 |
Member+ |
| 1,435 Posts | |
| | |
| Reg. 2013-09-13 | |
holy shit nice!! i only get ~20mb/s on good days
Post #24292 · Posted at 2015-06-06 11:37:12pm 10.2 years ago
| silenttype01 | |
|---|---|
 |
Member+ |
| 8,022 Posts | |
| | |
| Reg. 2007-01-19 | |
| "DINGDONG♥HEARTS" | |
I went to a comic book convention today. It's on its third year so I went to support. The food was provided by the hotel. It was overpriced and tasted awful.
Post #24293 · Posted at 2015-06-06 11:38:22pm 10.2 years ago
| JunkoXXX | |
|---|---|
|
Banned+ |
| 595 Posts | |
| | |
| Reg. 2014-04-25 | |
| "I have no words for my life" | |
Quote: silenttype01
I went to a comic book convention today. It's on its third year so I went to support. The food was provided by the hotel. It was overpriced and tasted awful.
That's a hotel for you.Post #24294 · Posted at 2015-06-07 12:12:37am 10.2 years ago
| Sigrev2 | |
|---|---|
 |
Member+ |
| 4,240 Posts | |
| | |
| Reg. 2009-10-17 | |
| |
| "suffering from success" | |
probably not the best place to ask, but i was wondering if anyone could link me a download of Grant Kirkhope's BK BETAS!! album that he took off his Bandcamp a while ago, preferably in 320kbps/FLAC
given that the album was available to download for free back when it was a thing, i have no problems asking for it in the forum
given that the album was available to download for free back when it was a thing, i have no problems asking for it in the forum
Post #24295 · Posted at 2015-06-07 06:23:38am 10.2 years ago
| BemaniHyper | |
|---|---|
|
Member+ |
| 1,435 Posts | |
| | |
| Reg. 2013-09-13 | |
im just leaving this
Post #24296 · Posted at 2015-06-07 06:27:53am 10.2 years ago
| CuzcoBlocko | |
|---|---|
 |
Member |
| 2,957 Posts | |
| | |
| Reg. 2013-10-26 | |
| "[Art by LilyBreez]" | |
Well...
Post #24297 · Posted at 2015-06-07 06:28:31am 10.2 years ago
see she has bra-pockets theyre useful and hot
Post #24298 · Posted at 2015-06-07 06:28:59am 10.2 years ago
| CuzcoBlocko | |
|---|---|
|
Member |
| 2,957 Posts | |
| | |
| Reg. 2013-10-26 | |
| "[Art by LilyBreez]" | |
Well...
Post #24299 · Posted at 2015-06-07 06:32:18am 10.2 years ago
| JunkoXXX | |
|---|---|
|
Banned+ |
| 595 Posts | |
| | |
| Reg. 2014-04-25 | |
| "I have no words for my life" | |
*unity starts playing in the background*
Post #24300 · Posted at 2015-06-07 06:33:23am 10.2 years ago
| BemaniHyper | |
|---|---|
|
Member+ |
| 1,435 Posts | |
| | |
| Reg. 2013-09-13 | |
i can draw more