Let It Out

So tomorrow at 6pm EST, me and some friends of mine are doing a Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time drinking game and we're streaming it. #SpreadingTheWord

http://www.hitbox.tv/PandemoniumX

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My plan is to hand out comics to the kids that knock at my door for trick or treating.

No one has passed by yet...it's 9:34 PM.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAE?HJibgfgm!!.

I'm fucking pissed.

Ever since the summer of 2014, my reputation with all of my friends has been crumbling.

I had this one show about colorful animals and creatures that I was GOING to release, but guess what?

It got ruined by unnecessary drama and a bad reputation with the r34 being more popular than it, and the crew being dysfunctional.

I met an anonymous person that turned out to be a female, more, I found out I had a crush on her, and it was going so well, but guess what?

It got crushed by a mis-understood joke about 'birdman badges'. And I don't have any other females I have a chance with.

I started up this way of talking to my friends that was good in March-June 2014, but guess what?

It turned into a drama fest concerning a specific person and me losing my temper multiple times.

In short, this summer and fall has been ruined. I've lost like, 11 out of 16 major friends so far, and I'm sick of it. This drama once almost drove me to try to commit suicide!

More, I am unschooled, so I don't get out much, I get bored very easily without my computer, and I don't understand the POVs from my other family members.

UGHh.

It's like THIS SITE (yes, you guys) has moved all the way to the very tippy top of my best communities list after the bullshit from the other sites I go to (except YouTube). It used to be the 3rd out of maybe 10. And no, that didn't mean I didn't like you guys. In fact, ever since I managed to somehow get a 3rd chance on here, I've been doing better and it seems like only maybe 1-2 out of at least 40 people I know on here still irritates me today. Everyone else is cool.

But everywhere else... What the fuck is going on with the influx of my friends becoming douches? ._.;

Sounds like they may have been mere acquaintances instead of "friends." Also, attempted suicide over all that? Come on now, I'm sure you'll deal with worse situations in life. If your mindset continues like that... I'm not sure how well you'll handle it. I'm not trying to be rude, just want you to be aware of what you're saying right now.

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Let's not forget I'm still below 18 and I'm socially impaired... Yes, most of them were acquaintances, but I did consider some of them friends until...something bad happened in July 2014 that set off a chain of too many events that caused a lot of betrayal, backstabbing, and abrupt ending to friendships.

I don't know why this is happening... Neither why many people pick fun of me like I'm a toy...

And concerning the suicide thing, I guess it was more of a lose-my-sanity thing because of the girlfriend thing. I actually got thoughts of wanting to meet her IRL (I usually never have these kind of thoughts). If two people (that just recently gotten an account on here) hadn't stood up and defended me, I probably would have done something very bad...

Man.

Eyo. I have autism, I know what social impairment is like. Just remember, as you grow older, you'll start to become more aware of your surroundings, and you'll definitely become a bit more active. You're young, you got your whole life ahead of you.

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I think I have a case of autism too. I mean, it's not official, but I hold many traits, like being stoic, unusual desire for computer, wanting to re-make media...

But still. I considered 2013 bad because the community I was in then was making me lose IQ points (this might be why I was so stupid enough to get banned around January) and causing me to get into kiddish drama. But I left that, and ever since, the rest of the year wasn't all that bad, except for the loss of 2 of my dogs.

But this year... People are somehow playing with my heart strings. I mean, I was friends with a lot of people in June, but as I said, a crucial domino to a chain reaction fell over that never should have been, and ever since, it seems like the friend circle I was in fell apart pretty quickly. I feel like I only made it out with 8 friends out of formerly 20-25. If it seems like I keep getting into worser bullshit every year, I don't want to know what will happen in 2015...

Keno9988, WhatIAm, and Hoodbytes know more about this, so you can talk to them about this whole thing too.

If this doesn't die down by the end of the year, I might consider re-locating under a new alias altogether just to get away from it all.

You know evasion and renaming yourself isn't going to fix everything, right...?

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...I guess you're right, it'd be hard to do the stuff I normally do without getting suspicion I'm that person.

It's like, who'd run the visualizations project in my signature?

Even still, I need this whole thing to stop. It's not just me, too. I've witnessed at least 6 friendship breakups (ones I'm not involved in), one of them being another possible relationship between a boy and girl. This is getting out of hand.

It's just internet drama. Don't worry.
I think at one point, a lot of us run into similar problems. I've fallen in love on the internet with a girl whose face I never saw. And I felt all kinds of strange emotions and weird drama and stuff . Eventually time passed and I realized how silly it all was in hindsight.

You're pretty young. You may not feel it, but you are still growing socially. When I was fifteen I'd say I had a social impairment. I wouldn't talk to anyone and when I did I was so quiet no one could hear me. I thought that I'd be like that for the rest of my life. Now, only a few years later, I feel like a social butterfly. We change. Things will get better. Don't worry.

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I guess you're right... I shouldn't worry about internet drama too much.

Still, the internet is the only way for me to contact you guys, and my other friends too.

I will re-iterate; Everything was fine in June, but when July passed, things went wrong.

Here's what I know; I have anonymous friends A, B, C, D, E, F, and G. Not disclosing usernames.

A began to get on my nerves a little bit, then an entire rivarly started between A and B, then we all hated B at some point. However, A was irritating me a lot, and soon, I got into an entire hate cluster with him. And then I tipped off his gf, E by this, and she soon blocked me. At some point, C somehow had one of his joke art posted on a website that showcases bad deviantArt stuff behind his back, ticking him off. Then E's relative, F, decided it would be fun to joke around with it. I got tipped off by this and I lost F to, so it was only me, C, and D.

I decided to give A and B another chance, and then E dropped her hatred for me. Unfortunately, A and B's rivalry caused a joke to be blown out of proportion and drove A in pure hatred, and he blocked me, B, C, D, and E. I tried to remain a neutral party as A, C, D, and E all ganged up on B. THAT part started from a joke, so I stood up for B, and then A began drawing porn of me and my OCs and acting like he wanted to rape me. Stress. Then I blocked all of THEM too and deleted the chat.

I got THAT to end eventually, but I had to get rid of B due to this. Then D ultimately killed his reputation and we all ditched him. I unblocked everyone, and made a new chat. Meanwhile, F finally came back from a hiatus and I gave 'him' another chance. I later discovered F was a female, and that she somehow had a crush on me. I think that night was one of the best I had in my life. But then things began to be dysfunctional again. I ditched my deviantART due to drama. F got ANOTHER crush on A, then problems ensued again. After it was discovered F lost interest for me. I began to mumble a lot of irritated sentences about this, and then once A's snarks about me and F insulted me, I threw a tantrum and left.

Some of A's other friends, A, and F began trash talking me VIA Skype and I began to lose my grip on keeping cool and sane, while thoughts of possible injury or suicide filled me. If C and G hadn't came and comforted me... I don't think I'd be here right now. (Let's be thankful they did.) I had yet another grudge against A, but he blackmailed me, so I had to be his 'friend'. I DID manage to make amends with F, but then another joke got blown out of proportion and F decided it would be fun to start pissing me off, and then I threw ANOTHER tantrum and typed out a large vent on a Google doc about the DDR videos I'm working on (I later deleted the vent) about how people keep using me. We ditched F since this wasn't cool. At this point, it was only me, A (kinda), C, E, and G.

At a certain night, me, A, and E were on the chat. (C and G were offline) You already know A and E are in a relationship. Suddenly, E began to irritate A. I intervened, and then A somehow thought F and E were the same person, and more, a dude in his 40s catfishing me and A. I tried not to think this, but I believed it when E kept acting stupid and pissing me and A. Finally I kicked her out, and I got PMed on deviantArt on an alt account by F that she was using E's computer (E and F are siblings), so whatever respect I had for F was lost.

Fast forward to yesterday. E began to worry A that the E x A relationship was fading. We kept asking E about it, she wouldn't respond. When A had to go, E said 'finafuckily'. I decided something was wrong, and kept bothering E about it, but nothing. I finally decided to kick her from the chat due to her apparent douchebag attitude. Ever since, me, A, and C were upset about how none of us had a potential girlfriend. I got driven to ragequit the chat and create a vent journal on deviantART due to how many friends I lost. During this whole thing, I lost, like, another three, but those were minor.

I really don't know if I should keep doing this with them. I don't want to lose ANOTHER friend.

I feel like I'm the source of Cuzco's troubles for some reason.

For A HUGE backstory: I met Cuzco in October 2010 (Yes, four years ago now), when I was in maybe third or fourth grade (I'm 15, BTW). Things went... okay, it was just my autism and desire to always be right kind of hindered things. In 2011, I was just being a HUGE asshole to Cuzco, constantly saying that his art was absolute shit at the time (keep in mind I was a kid). That was about all that happened. In 2012, the only major thing that came up was the "scavenger hunt" incident (you can ask Cuzco himself what it was about, I'm not gonna tell you). In 2013, me and him didn't interact as much as we used to (in fact, I forgot he existed a lot of the time until around August, where me and him made a song).

And then there's this year. This... year. (i would add a swear but idk if you can or not)

January-partially June of 2014 went swimmingly. Absolutely near-flawless. Nothing bad really happened. But, for some reason, once July started, everything just hopped into the fan. I met this dude from Texas on dA named ScienceStorm. He's grammatically retarded. despite saying he has a 99% in English class. At first, I was okay with him, but as things progressed, I started getting incresingly and increasingly annoyed by him. I tried holding it in to somehow hold the friendship, and lashed out my anger out on Cuzco and everyone else (I've met WhatIAm by then). It impaired Cuzco's impression on me. I eventually grew to absolutely DESPISE ScienceStorm, to the point where I complained whenever he was in the doc. It might be just because I'm spoiled, but whatever. On August 27 (yes I still remember the day), Cuzco said for the first time ever to me that we wouldn't be friends anymore. I didn't take it well. Things didn't go smoothly after that. September 12, 2014 was when I actually started drawing pornography of Cuzco. Yes, you heard that right. I drew pornography of Cuzco. Two, actually. (No, you can't have them.) It didn't help obviously.

Skipping the rest of September (which went kind-of-sort-of-okay afterwards), and moving to this year, things have been going slightly more smoothly with Cuzco, and more roughly with my internet relationship with another girl with the internet alias of "DixieKong64." We met in August, and she developed a crush on me within the first week we met. In September was when I started returning the feelings. We went through a breakup on the 8th, the 9th, I almost killed myself, and then on the 10th or later, me and her sister, DiddyKong64 (again, alias) became a thing. DiddyKong64 used to be bf/gf with CUZCO originally before all this happened. This caused what I assume jealousy from Cuzco and he got a grudge against me for it on the following Sunday. It took nearly all the weekdays (to Thursday the 16th, actually) to actually get him to drop it. Me and Dixie got together again.

Not shortly thereafter, I started losing focus in school (I'm a freshman in high school) and started focusing on Cuzco, since by then, I began noticing I actually had a somewhat bisexual crush on him. I still do. My grades began dropping like crazy. Art class, my specialty, is an F. Then everyone got suspicious that Dixie and Diddy were the same person (they ARE female, though). Me and Dixie broke up again, and then everyone got suspicious that Dixie didn't actually like me anymore (she began being irate and constantly doing considerably-mean things to me for no real reason, like blocking me). She still does like me. Later, I was told by my bi-weekly psychiatrist (since I'm autistic) that I'm obsessed with Cuzco and the Google Doc that he frequents, so recently, I've tried to focus myself onto school again, to get my life back in order. It's kind of working. And two days ago, Cuzco confronted me about my perversions (I am a crazy pervert, JTLYK) and told me that he wants me to take the correct path in life. I actually was so ashamed of myself that I cried myself to sleep that night. No suicidal thoughts, though. Yesterday, nothing bad-bad happened that I can recall. Today, my hormones took the wheel, and I started kind of sexually harassing two 12-year-olds online about sex, which is very obviously my hormones in the control. No really, it was.

And then we all got worried that Cuzco was gonna try to kill himself (again). He obviously didn't.

So, yeah, I have no idea what to do.

I constantly want to know everything about Cuzco to the point where it's incredibly creepy. I won't go into detail publicly about the lengths I've gone to trying to find out his personal info. And I CAN'T get OVER him.

No idea what to do.

Help. Me. Please.

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...Keno, what the fuck, man?

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Hey guys, what's going on in h-

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ikr

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did let it out just become actually letting it out

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holy shit

Well, I hate to change the subject, but:





This pack's coming out today and I'm pretty excited! (Also, the songs will apparently be getting harder charts later on)