The Wrestling Thread

NXT continues to show up the main roster.

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The "guys like you bury guys like me" bit on Smackdown still bugs me. Like, why would you start openly acknowledging the term now when people have been using the term for decades?

Also, fuck kevin dunn, stop messing with the crowd audio, I know they're booing, can't hide that shit

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It's amazing when Reigns gets cheered piped in and the crowd's mouths aren't moving at all

Like do they forget that there are cameras

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The Botchamania Intro is the greatest thing about most of the shows themselves.

"JEEZUS"

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WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT HAPPENED WHAT ARE YOU BLIND JEEEEEEEEESUS

THERE WAS FIVE OF EM IT TOOK FIVE OF EM

JUSTICE PAIN

HHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUH

H8 CLUB OH I THOUGHT H8 CLUB'S DEAD NICK GAGE NATE HATRED WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE NOBODY DOES THIS TO ZANDIG NOBODY DOES THIS TO WIFEBEATER

ZANDIG WIFEBEATER NICK MONDO

WE ARE THE MOST ULTRAVIOLENT FORCE ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH

OHHH MYYYYYY OHHHHHHHHHHHH YOU'RE GONNA DIE YOU ARE GONNA DIE I GUARANTEE IT *FUCK THIS MILK* I AM GONNA KILL YOU AWUGH

YOU PEOPLE HAVE NOT SEEN ANYTHING THIS IS JUST THE START OF FAKE YOU TV I AM THE ULTRAVIOLENT ICON THIS IS ROBBIE MAURINO

THIS IS CZW

THE MOST VIOLENT FEDERATION ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH YOU JUST WAIT AND SEE HOW FAR WE'RE GONNA GO I'M OUT OF HERE

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Wrestling sounds fun.
Never got into it.

money in the bank better be good

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CHEERS AEGIS


FEATURING THE ZIV HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION MOKOU, FORMER CHAMPION QUICKMAN, AND SOME OTHER PEOPLE

AS ALWAYS, COPY PASTE THE TEMPLATE AND ADD YOUR PREDICTIONS TO THEM

AND EDITING YOUR POST AFTER THE PPV STARTS DISQUALIFIES YOU I'M NOT PLAYING YOUR GAME

SPECIAL PREDICTIONS (WORTH TWO POINTS):

WHO GOES THROUGH A LADDER FIRST IN THE MITB MATCH:
WHAT TEAM TAKES THE FALL IN THE 4-WAY TAG TEAM MATCH:
IS THERE A SURPRISE SEVENTH MAN IN THE MITB MATCH:
DOES CENA KICK OUT OF A STYLES CLASH:
DOES CENA KICK OUT OF A SECOND STYLES CLASH:
WHICH MATCH GETS RATED HIGHEST BY MELTZER:
DOES THE WINNER OF THE MTIB CASE(IT'S AMBROSE) CASH IN ON THE SAME NIGHT:

RESULT PREDICTIONS (WORTH THREE POINTS EXCEPT FOR THE FOUR WAY TAG MATCH AND MITB MATCH WHICH ARE WORTH FOUR):

Ziggler/Corbin:
Crews/Sheamus:
Rusev/Titus:
Tag Team Women's Match:
Fatal 4-Way for the Tag Team Championship:
AJ Styles/Cena:
Money In The Bank Ladder Match:
Rollins/Reigns for the World Championship:


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SPECIAL PREDICTIONS (WORTH TWO POINTS):

WHO GOES THROUGH A LADDER FIRST IN THE MITB MATCH: Kevin Owens
WHAT TEAM TAKES THE FALL IN THE 4-WAY TAG TEAM MATCH: The Vaudevillains
IS THERE A SURPRISE SEVENTH MAN IN THE MITB MATCH: No
DOES CENA KICK OUT OF A STYLES CLASH: Yes
DOES CENA KICK OUT OF A SECOND STYLES CLASH: Yes
WHICH MATCH GETS RATED HIGHEST BY MELTZER: MITB Match
WHICH MATCH GOES LONGEST: Reigns/Rollins
DOES THE WINNER OF THE MTIB CASE(IT'S AMBROSE) CASH IN ON THE SAME NIGHT: Yes

RESULT PREDICTIONS (WORTH THREE POINTS EXCEPT FOR THE FOUR WAY TAG MATCH AND MITB MATCH WHICH ARE WORTH FOUR):

Ziggles/The Big BBQ: Baron Corbin
Oh-So-Charismatic/FellaFellaFellaOyOyOy: Apollo Crews
Putin On The Ritz/Vince's BFF: Rusev
Who The Fuck and Why The Fuck/How The Fuck and Becky Lynch(She's got big arms): Natalya/Lynch
Four Way Tag Match, Winners Get A Threesome With Francesca II: Anderson and Gallows
New Japan Pro Wrestling/World Wrestling Entertainment: Cena
Six Man Predictable Bump Match: Dean Ambrose
No Thank You/Yes, Please: Reigns (GOD FUCKING DAMN IT I ALREADY KNOW IT)

OH AND PLEASE BE DEFINITE IN YOUR PREDICTIONS AND DON'T GIVE ME "WELL IT MIGHT BE THIS GUY BUT IT'LL PROBABLY BE THAT GUY", PICK A FUCKING GUY OR I'M NOT COUNTING EITHER OF YOUR CHOICES

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SPECIAL PREDICTIONS (WORTH TWO POINTS):

WHO GOES THROUGH A LADDER FIRST IN THE MITB MATCH: If I have to guess, probably Cesaro.
WHAT TEAM TAKES THE FALL IN THE 4-WAY TAG TEAM MATCH: I hope New Day is the team to take the fall.
IS THERE A SURPRISE SEVENTH MAN IN THE MITB MATCH: I fucking hope so. I'm gonna say yes.
DOES CENA KICK OUT OF A STYLES CLASH: Yes.
DOES CENA KICK OUT OF A SECOND STYLES CLASH: LOL Yes.
WHICH MATCH GETS RATED HIGHEST BY MELTZER: Always the main event, Reigns vs. Rollins.
WHICH MATCH GOES LONGEST: John Cena vs. AJ Styles....
DOES THE WINNER OF THE MTIB CASE(IT'S AMBROSE) CASH IN ON THE SAME NIGHT: Hell no, they do it at the least expected time.

RESULT PREDICTIONS (WORTH THREE POINTS EXCEPT FOR THE FOUR WAY TAG MATCH AND MITB MATCH WHICH ARE WORTH FOUR):

Ziggler/Corbin: Corbin please.
Crews/Sheamus: Crews please.
Rusev/Titus: LOLRUSEVWINS
Tag Team Women's Match: LOLCHARLOTTEWINS
Fatal 4-Way for the Tag Team Championship: LOLNEWDAYWINS
AJ Styles/Cena: LOLCENAWINS
Money In The Bank Ladder Match: If it's seriously gonna just be those 6 guys, then probably Dean Ambrose. WWE can't keep having heels win money in the bank.
Rollins/Reigns for the World Championship: Mah boi Roman Reigns.

I'm assuming I can't root for a guy, and also predict the winner at the same time.....

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First off i'd like to give a shoutout to the WWE, who is a doing a wonderful job in the ratings department as you can see here
SPECIAL PREDICTIONS (WORTH TWO POINTS):

WHO GOES THROUGH A LADDER FIRST IN THE MITB MATCH: your mum Sami Zayne
WHAT TEAM TAKES THE FALL IN THE 4-WAY TAG TEAM MATCH: Vaudevillains
IS THERE A SURPRISE SEVENTH MAN IN THE MITB MATCH: no
DOES CENA KICK OUT OF A STYLES CLASH: without even trying to
DOES CENA KICK OUT OF A SECOND STYLES CLASH: please no
WHICH MATCH GETS RATED HIGHEST BY MELTZER: Styles/Cena
DOES THE WINNER OF THE MITB CASE(IT'S AMBROSE) CASH IN ON THE SAME NIGHT: Shockingly, NO. Who wins the Briefcase? Find out on the next episode of Dragon Ball Z

RESULT PREDICTIONS (WORTH THREE POINTS EXCEPT FOR THE FOUR WAY TAG MATCH AND MITB MATCH WHICH ARE WORTH FOUR):

Ziggler/Corbin: Corbin, the pre-show hero we need but the one we don't deserve
Crews/Sheamus: I don't care. Crews. Yeah, that's fine.
Rusev/Titus: Yeah, Rusev's gonna lose the belt to Titus. Maybe if he died in the ring. Rusev crushes little black man like pebble.
Tag Team Women's Match: nobody wins, we all lose for watching. also Natalya/Lynch because it's a better team.
Fatal 4-Way for the Tag Team Championship: I would love to see Enzo and Cass, but it's gotta be Anderson/Gallows.
AJ Styles/Cena: STYLES WINS HAHAHA
Money In The Bank Ladder Match: Everyone thinks it's Ambrose, even himself I bet. Then my boy Kevin fucking STEEN comes in and snatches it away.
Rollins/Reigns for the World Championship: Roman Reigns AKA Dave Ryder

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Golden Truth vs Breezango has been announced for the kickoff show!

I'm not adding it to the predictions because it's literally the least fucks a match will EVER receive in the history of professional wrestling.

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that's not Orton/Cena

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WELCOME TO WRESTLEMANIA MONEY IN THE BANK 2016.

Pre-show:

Match: Goldoogiedaga vs. Febreeze
Result: Fandango and Tyler Breeze's bodies were disturbing me.... geez. Anyways, Golden Truth wins.
Rating: Skipped/10
My comment: I was at 711 at this time, getting a slurpee and snacks.

Match: Lunch Dragons (lol...i'm gonna start calling them that from now on) vs. the Dudley BoyzzzzI'd fall asleep watching thiszzzzzzzzz
Result: I don't know, I don't care.
Rating: Skipped/10
My comment: I'm sorry, the fucks-to-give you're trying to reach is unavailable. Please try again in a few minutes.

Main Show:

Match: The New Predictable Day vs. NXT Jobber tag team vs. NXT Jobber tag team vs. New Japan Pro Wrestling Jobber tag team
Result: LOLNEWDAYWINS
Rating: 2/10. Good match, cringy result.
My comment: *buys a rope from Home Depot then returns home* I'm gonna hang myself if Charlotte wins.

Match: Re-run for the 8th time
Result: Baron Corbin wins.
Rating: Blue/10
My comment: My brain was feeling blue, after the blue Slurpee I was drinking.

Match: Natalya and Becky Lynch vs. Team Devastate Ham
Result: LOLCHARLOTTEWINS
Rating: Charlotte wins, which makes it a 0. Dana Brooke appears, which subtracts 5 points. Natalya turned heel and attacked my favorite woman today, which subtracts 15 points. The rating is..... -20/10.
My comment: *hangs myself* Okay, my ghost is now typing this review. I'll revive after reviewing this.

Match: Apollo Crews vs. Sheamus
Result: Crews won. Thank god.
Rating: 7/10
My comment: Sheamus didn't bury young talent? IT'S A MIRACLE, IT'S A MIRACLE, IT'S A MIRACLE, IT'S A MIRACLE, IT'S A MIRACLE...

Match: John Cena vs. AJ Styles
Result: After an epic Match, the Club kills the vibe and interferes while the Ref was KOed from a tap-from-a-foot, then AJ Styles got the pinfall and won.
Rating: 9/10
My comment: ....I'm trying.....not ....to be.....s-salty..... I-I mean the Match quality was good, but the Ending wasn't. MIND YOU, I don't mind AJ Styles winning. Cena doesn't need much more wins anymore.

Match: Dean Ambrose wins.
Result: Dean Ambrose wins.
Rating: Dean Ambrose wins. / Dean Ambrose wins.
My comment: As I predicted, Dean Ambrose wins.

Match: UNITED STATES OF 'MAURICA
Result: LOLRUSEVWINS
Rating: Ass whuppin' / 10
My comment: fuck off

Match: Roman Reigns vs. Sethy
Result: ....Rollins.....wins.....clean....
Rating: .....ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! Let's recap the story of Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns, since the day Seth Rollins sold out the Shield. J and J security and Corporate Kane helped Seth Rollins win so much matches, the Undertaker prevented Brock Lesnar from beating Seth Rollins, Jon Stewart prevented John Cena from beating Seth Rollins, Seth Rollins performed what was the greatest worst-most-cowardly Money in the Bank cash in, and Seth Rollins was the reason the ratings of RAW dipped really low in 2015 (John Cena helped him with that too, I'll admit). Roman Reigns man-handled Brock Lesnar twice, Roman Reigns never needed an alliance to win the WWE Championship, Roman Reigns took down the Authority, and Roman Reigns is a talented in-ring worker and he's been improving himself, but nobody seems to notice this. What mainly pisses me off is who you guys were rooting for and booing. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK HOW GOOD OF A MATCH THIS WAS. I'M RATING THIS NEGATIVE-OVER-9000 / 10. I hope you are all happy that Roman Reigns lost clean to the likes of Seth Rollins.
My comment: LIKE A GOOD NEIGHBOR, STATE FARM IS THERE.

Whoa whoa whoa WAIT A SECOND, State Farm answered me!

Match: Dean Ambrose cashes in the Money in the Bank briefcase.
Result: Dean Ambrose wins the WWE Championship, saves wrestling, saves my blood pressure level, and saves the WWE Network from losing a subscriber.
Rating: 10/10 - IGN
My comment: THERE IS A GOD.

*revives myself* Overall show rating: 7/10. A lot of things still impressed me, despite many Match endings. And...I guess, this time, WWE wasn't lying about this "new era" thing.

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ROLLINS FUCKING DESTROYED LAME SAMOA MAN AND TOOK BACK THE TITLE THAT HE NEVER LOST

AMBROSE CAME OUT AND WAS ALL "LOL GUESS WHO" AND CASHED IN ON ROLLINS

REIGNS IS THE ONLY SHIELD MEMBER WHO WALKED OUT WITH A LOSS

THANKS BASED CREATIVE, YOU'VE SAVED WRESTLING

SPECIAL PREDICTIONS (WORTH TWO POINTS):

WHO GOES THROUGH A LADDER FIRST IN THE MITB MATCH: Surprisingly, no broken ladders! Two points to all three of us.
WHAT TEAM TAKES THE FALL IN THE 4-WAY TAG TEAM MATCH: Fuck off. (The Club)
IS THERE A SURPRISE SEVENTH MAN IN THE MITB MATCH: Lol no
DOES CENA KICK OUT OF A STYLES CLASH: Yes
DOES CENA KICK OUT OF A SECOND STYLES CLASH: No
WHICH MATCH GETS RATED HIGHEST BY MELTZER: MELTZER HASN'T REVIEWED IT AND WON'T FOR A WHILE, SO, UH, POINTS TO EVERYONE AGAIN
DOES THE WINNER OF THE MTIB CASE(IT'S AMBROSE) CASH IN ON THE SAME NIGHT: HAHAHAHA FUCKING NAILED IT LAD

RESULT PREDICTIONS (WORTH THREE POINTS EXCEPT FOR THE FOUR WAY TAG MATCH AND MITB MATCH WHICH ARE WORTH FOUR):

Ziggler/Corbin: Corbin
Crews/Sheamus: Crews
Rusev/Titus: Rusev
Tag Team Women's Match: Charlotte/Dana
Fatal 4-Way for the Tag Team Championship: New Day
AJ Styles/Cena: Styles
Money In The Bank Ladder Match: Ambrose
Rollins/Reigns for the World Championship: Rollins

LET'S SEE WHO WALKS OUT OF MONEY IN THE BANK THE ZIV WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...

Mokou (c): 22
Ham: 26
Quickman: 28

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND

NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW

ZENIUS-I-VANISHER CHAMPION OF THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD

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THE REF COUNTED TO THREE
ENZO AND CASS WON THE TITLES
FUCK OFF WWE, HE COUNTED TO THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE


Also boo, I want my belt back

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TBH I FEEL THE EXACT SAME WAY WHAT A FUCKING BOTCHFEST THE SHOW WAS ROFLMAO

THERE'S GOING TO BE A WHOLE BOTCHAMANIA WHICH IS JUST A "YOU TALK TOO MUCH" SEGMENT WITH STYLES/CENA

OMFG THEY ACTUALLY ADDRESSED THE DRUG ADDICT ON RAW NICE JOB SETH

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When I was growing up, Matt and Jeff Hardy used to be two of my favorite wrestlers, and now in 2016 they're two of my favorites again but for completely different reasons.

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"IT'S A DILAPIDATED BOAT!" - Matt Hardy

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Brock Lesnar vs Randy Orton at Summerslam.
maybe 10 years ago this was a good match.

While WWE continues to push 30-35+ men and ignore young talent and the low ratings, at least Chikara still exists to fill the fun void in my wrestling heart.

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I dunno, I think it could be okay. Inevitable F5 into RKO counter should be fun.

Don't see why THIS is Orton's return match, though. Don't get me wrong, it's a big match, but it... doesn't really make sense for him? What reason does he have for wanting to fight Brock Lesnar?

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