Therapy/Real-Life Help

Don't give up oni. You can't give up. Try to find something that you think will be fun and do it. Try to get your mind off of her. Try working on yourself. Just don't give up. If we never give up then you can't either.
#onistrong

We shared so many interests that literally there's nothing I CAN do that doesn't remind me of her in some way. I'm going to counselling tomorrow, and I'm genuinely scared they're just going to palm me off on meds.

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First of all, I want to say thanks to everyone on this thread. Reading about problems and advice helped me in some way or another to overcome my own issues, and for that I'm really thankful.

Now then, it's time to give back (or at least try).

Mr. Oni, I've been in your sort of situation before, but without feelings as strong and lasting as yours.

I met her through osu! (yeah, laugh all you want) and we shared some interests, and things developed almost naturally, until I decided it was time for us to meet IRL, face to face. But it wasn't going to be so simple.

As the 22-year-old college student that I am, with just enough money to live and somewhat relax in a country as expensive as Chile (IMHO), I sacrificed a lot to make plans with her and travel for a weekend, 650 km. to her home. I thought that finally I could meet my first real, strong love.

It was all nice until she introduced me to her boyfriend.

I felt awful inside, and also very angry. Why? I don't know, and I doubt I ever will. But what I know is that my trip, instead of taking the whole weekend, took just a night, in which I traveled back to my home.

I tried really hard to forget her, to get rid of the sense of guilt, emptiness, hate and many other things combined, but to no avail, until I found a solution that worked out on the long run (this situation happed almost 6 months ago).

I picked up a guitar.

You see, I dropped playing guitar about 3-4 years ago, when I entered college. Studying took a lot of my time and I couldn't focus properly on practicing and playing as before, so I simply dropped playing entirely. Having a bit of free time now that I'm close to graduating with a year remaining, I picked it up again and learnt a few songs all over again. That fresh start took my mind off everything.


What I'm trying to say here is: Try something new, or pick up something you left behind. Maybe it's that book you never finished, or that language you stopped learning for whatever reason. It could be even that project you wanted to build but never took the time to do so, you never know. Just break your routine, go into unknown realms, and who knows? Maybe you will find something else to look forward to.

I hope I've been of help with my wall of text and feelings, and as many said before, don't give up. You are a human being like all of us. Don't hesitate to rely on us like we rely on you here.

Sincerely hoping for the best for you in the future,
a friend from far away.


#StayStrongOni

I have 2 different-but-similar categories of problems... I indeed need help on how to handle them. I don't know if I'm mentally unstable or anything, but I don't feel so normal....

Category 1, I feel at fault for my mother's death, and I feel twice as guilty for barely crying the day she died.

I love my mom very much, rest in peace to her, but she's put me through a lot of hell for the past year. (She attacked me with cooking utensils over little things, she cried and grounded me every time I wanted to leave the house and apply for a job, she did everything in her power to seperate me and my long-distant girlfriend from ever talking) ...and late spring 2015, she ended up ripping her clothes then ATTEMPTED to kick me out of the house for no complete reason. I ended up calling the ambulance, because I assumed she was sick in the head... and my assumption was correct. Come to find out, she's been hallucinating for a whole year, all that time.... and as far as my knowledge goes, she fell down the stairs 2014 spring and became more aggressive since that day. I should've known...and I feel like I could've saved her from the beginning.... Anyways, when she was in the hospital when I called the ambulance, later that day, I spent the night at my cousin's house. I wake up in the morning and find out the hospital discharged my fucking mom out and brought her back home. I had to rush home, because I was worried! They claimed she was fine, but she was EVEN WORSE. She wasn't talking, she was senselessly shaking on the sofa, and I immediately called the hospital again. (I forgot what WWE PPV was on, but I missed it...I think it was Money in the Bank, idk...it was mid-June.) Two days later.... I receive a phone call at 9AM, from a doctor, saying "Bring your whole family here, we have some big problems." My sister is screaming worried, I'm quickly getting ready, my dad leaves work early, our aunt picks us up and rushes to the hospital.... we go to the room to see my deceased mother laying on the hospital bed. I cried for about 5 minutes (YES, I was sad that day, but tears barely rolled out of my eyes.) .... I don't know why I barely cried that day. I forgave my mother for what she's done, mostly because she didn't mean it...but did my brain forgive her? *sighs* ....I feel like this was all my fault....

Category 2, my sister has been treating me as if she's my boss/mother, and I'm getting fed up.

After my mother's death, there's really been no management at my house. I, now, live with my sister and father. My dad's been crying everyday since then for the next month and a half. My sister has been on my ASS, as of late! She even THREATENS to take my cell phone if I did something wrong and pissed her off! (My mom always did that when she was alive.) This morning, she crossed the line. I made myself cereal, and didn't want her to see it...so I hid it...by putting the bowl in the sink. She walks in the kitchen and finds it RIGHT THERE in the sink. She bitches at me, TAKES MY PHONE, TOLD ME TO GO TO MY ROOM, and sounded like a retarded crow with a sore-throat. I left the house...and snatched my phone back...and ...yeah, no details. I left the house...and called my dad (who was at work) and told him how abusive my sister is being. I was under the assumption that drama wouldn't happen anymore in my house, since my mother's death...but my sister is basically Mommy 2.0. This is annoying..and I feel like traveling to California to meet my long-distant girlfriend, or having her DRIVE to New York to pick me up. (Before you judge, we've known each other for 3 years.) Would it be a good idea getting the hell out of here? I'm having it tough at home...

P.S. get well soon, Oni. I believe in you.

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Does anyone have any advice for trying to unsee something graphic?

CONTEXT

Remember this thread? While I was giving advice, the thread got locked by Ryan. And he posted this picture to be witty to what was going on.



This is pretty funny. I thought "this must be a children's book, albeit a very strange one. Let's see what this comes from!". Search Google for this image --> The title was revealed to be "We go to the gallery". The entire book is available for viewing for free. I went through 6 pages......

...

...


Flight MH370 is still missing today....

YUCK.

The things included were a slong, a vagina, and infant gore, and who knows what else there is... I don't feel comfortable knowing this stuff is in my head, despite evacuating the page immediately... What's worse is that the warnings were there (I saw another page that was pretty disturbing before I found the book), I should have saw it coming, but... I kept going anyway. I think I got into a couple other messes like this, but not when it came to this. I'm worried these thoughts will stick for a long time... and might even "tune" my view of things.... Is there a reliable way for me to clear these images from my mind so that it doesn't come back to bite me?

Aaaactually, I edited that in his post.

Also, I certainly don't remember any infant gore. I remember there being a bloke smoking in a dress and them laughing at someone scrawling "WHY DID YOU FUCK ME THEN LEAVE" on a mirror with lipstick.

Good times, good times.

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this book is fucking amazing

also yes there is indeed infant gore, in one room there are babies with crucifixes stabbed through their chests

As I said, that picture and the one Oni posted were tempting. I thought "this will be comedy gold" and didn't expect a bunch of disturbing stuff to follow. I shudder to think what's in the rest of the book.

Anyway, as for Hamsand, if you're older than your sister, you should man up and tell her she have no authority over the house. I'd certainly tell her off if she was nagging me about small things without being under the authority of a parental figure. What's wrong with making a bowl of cereal? I don't plan to leave the house YET, I'd just have to pay rent. However, if you're constantly being thrown around by someone, I'd say go for it and move out.

I forgot to state that my sister is older than me (5 years older) ...but still, she's not my mother and I shouldn't be treated as if I'm her son. Am I right? Or...is there something I need to learn?

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Watch cute cat videos for several hours and everything will be fine.

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Well, not quite that simple. You can try to get it off of your mind, try to stop thinking about it, but you can't really "unsee" it.

SoulEdge5000, I wanna start by thanking you for starting this thread. I also want to thank everyone who took the time to contribute to the thread or discussed their problems in life. I feel encouraged to write here. I don't know if my post is going to help me sort things through or anything like that, but I'll give it a shot. I read through all the posts to see if it would be of any assurance to me, and it was, to a great extent. At the very least I know I shouldn't be afraid, feel any shame, worry about being judged, or worry about having my rating and reputation lowered if I share here what I feel like these days when I honestly reflect on my life and the things happening around me with the Internet.

If you're seeing my post (this is for any of you out there), all I ask is that you hear me out. You don't have to try to solve my problems for me. You don't even have to reply to this. I just need a friend who can listen. If you're willing to actually sit and read this, I truly appreciate it. Believe me when I say not many people in the world will take the time to read this.

So I'll start. Okay. I've been pretending for too long. Pretending like nothing is burdening me. Pretending like I have nothing worth talking about. Pretending that I live in a world full of rainbows and sunshine. But I can only keep a charade for so long.

I've had an extremely stressful summer where I studied some of my hardest classes in university while volunteering as a teaching assistant for another. It was also a summer of much anger due to what has happening around in my city. One of my professors was really unhelpful and made attending classes a chore. I had to answer e-mails often from students and go assist students with enthusiasm as they walk in to my tutorial. Meanwhile, it seemed like every one of my friends (or at least those that I knew in person well enough) were having a great time vacationing far away and in better weather. These were the same friends who normally reached me only when they needed something and not just to say 'hi' or wanted to hang out with me and stuff.

Having survived that for a few months, I feel really down and demotivated to keep up with the new school year. This is my last year in university and some of my classes, like tax, are really demanding. However, I don't even feel like I can even focus on my studies at times. I tried to avoid going to most social networking sites because I would end up feeling envious of people and it would only distract me from going through class material, only to fail because there was always a friend who could use my help or a few words from me and I didn't want to leave that person in the dark when I could totally brighten their day without much effort. I tried to use my lecture notes and homework problems as a distraction from my own thoughts and a way to kill time.

So you may want to ask why I never posted stuff on networks where people knew me. You see, people on mobile devices don't have the attention to read any long rants, especially people who would just see me as someone who just whines about typical things in life. Most long stuff I post on a social network often gets unread anyway, or just get dismissed as a problem everyone suffers with, and more simply put, just another first world problem. I know maybe five people who I can talk to on those networks but I really did not want to just come to them randomly like a little crybaby one day, as if I call on them only because I need them. They probably have their share of similar troubles, too. You see, I don't know anyone who is just truly interested in listening to me. I have no one I know with the patience to just hear me out without jumping at me with questions I'm not feeling ready to answer. Most people I know of either just ask me for help on getting through school, doing their assignments, and seem to have a great time. I felt so left out, not just because I'm one of the few who hasn't had any major excitement in the last year and a half, but because I felt no one could identify with me. The few who could, I'd rather not disturb and make them feel like my "go-to" for advice. I'd probably be making their day worse anyway, and I certainly do not want to do that. So I held my breath, tried to get my act together, tell myself not to be be such a crybaby and deal with life.

Lately, I feel like I have no interest in anything anymore. I lost my interest in most of my regular hobbies. All I want to do is to sleep and hopefully land a dream in paradise, or to go vacationing (not going to happen, not any time soon). I sometimes wonder what I have to live for, although as a Christian, I know there is hope, and I can make it through. I try to convince myself that after this year, I'll be on the road to greater and better things, but it's not working. I want more fun, freedom, relaxation and renewal, because without that, I'm probably just going to collapse. But I have little pleasure going through my day, less than what I admit to others. I tell myself it's a phase. I tell myself it'll pass. I tell myself, that before I know it, I'll be the happiest person on earth. I try to be optimistic. But I feel so alone, and I feel so cold. It's hard to differentiate between my physical and mental headaches nowadays. To relieve stress, I turn to my local ITG3 arcade machine more than before, but my scores nowadays are quite awful compared to what I'm normally capable of, and my feet just get restless after 1.5 hours of playing. I haven't been eating properly these past two weeks because I lost my appetite. I lost about 4 pounds this month, and I doubt it's because I played ITG so hard. I've gotten quite sick lately, both emotionally and physically. My midterms and assignments are coming up, and I'll most likely see my grades plummet like my lifebar on DDR SuperNOVA from missing 3 arrows, not because of my lack of effort, but because I feel so sick and because I'm so out of it. I'm writing this post while working on an assignment due tomorrow afternoon, because I just totally lost the ability to concentrate because of all this.

I want to graduate with a strong GPA and get into a good graduate school and pursue professional designations. But that's another story. But to do that, I have to pick my feet up and sort things out. Of course, in that transition period, I'll feel alone again since I'll probably be in a new city by myself, with no one I know around me.

Anyway, I've rambled on for too long. Thank you for taking the time to read this. God bless you, good folks. I just want it out somewhere so someone out there, if God willing, can understand me.

[This is me editing this post for the sixth time to correct simple spelling and grammatical errors. I'm going to have a great time writing essays this term.]

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Incoming bad advice

I totally feel you in some way honestly. I recently got off of a relationship of almost 3 years, and I mean it wouldn't have hit me as hard.. but it did, mainly because it was a relationship with my best friend since middle school
And honestly, it sucks having your motivation to do stuff in life disappear and being depressed or not wanting to eat or do certain things.. But hey, you're almost done with the university! I know you've been out of it Stepper, but you're pretty much almost done! You just have a little bit left, just finish it off and I bet you'll feel so relieved to have finished university! Hopefully along the way too you'll start eating normally again and get you're motivation back and such. And maybe after you're done with school you could take a trip or a little vacation to somewhere you've been wanting to visit you know? treat yourself for pushing yourself to finish

Sorry if it's crappy advice lol, just don't give up now you're almost done!

Whether or not you think that was crappy advice, more than anything, I'm happy you read my post. That means a lot, so thank you.

And I feel you too. I've had 6 people I called my best friend, because they all disappeared out of my life as well. A couple of these I've known for as long as 7 years. 1 of them seems really happy with her significant other. It sucks to feel like I'm in a friendzone, but it happened so much that I'm sort of used to it. The good thing, though, is I've learned to be happy for your friends even if they're happy with someone else. It gets better. People come and go. But don't feel bad if you'll still miss this person for a while, because you will. It takes time. I'll tell you what - I hardly dated to this day because I was so scared of such setbacks, and so scared of being hurt. But I know I should take a chance, because not taking a risk is the greatest risk of all.

And to be honest, finishing my undergraduate studies is not quite something I'm totally excited about. Because I'll have more hurdles and more struggles in life. It's like that feeling you get when you're in your final year of high school, but you're stressed out because you now have to fend for yourself in university. And I know I'll be in a whole new environment with totally different expectations. In fact, my high school commencement wasn't exactly a happy moment for me (but that was because of some terrible luck on an exam that caused me to lose a potential award and a scholarship, not because I wasn't done with one long chapter in my life). I'll hold on to what I can in the mean time, but it's just so difficult when you feel like no one out there can sit and try to understand you. People in general see their problems are bigger than everyone else's simply because they feel those problems directly, and I realize I'm no different. I've had plenty of occasions when I was down in the dumps and I pulled through. That doesn't mean I should just cope with every problem alone, right?

Or so I thought. I live in a rather cold and indifferent community. It is the few people like you who keep my spirits high and well to keep going, so hats off to you, my good Samaritan!

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Hey guys, sorry for being out for so long.

Remember that HuniePop Fanfiction I mentioned the last time I posted? A guy from Missouri offered to be my beta reader and now we're close friends along with his girlfriend who is from Greece (they live together and are in College like me). They've been such good friends and they always seem to know what to say when I'm down. They even gave me a drawing of me and Megurine Luka for my birthday last January.

Plus his girlfriend has a younger sister who said I'm cute when he saw a picture of me and they found it hard to believe that I'm still single. But to be honest, I'm really starting to like her sister. She's bubbly and she even calls me Senpai.

Before I met them, I didn't have much of a solid plan of what to do after graduation but now were like family and I want to move to the states with them and start anew.

So I have to ask: How hard is it to apply for immigration to the states and is it wrong of me to want to be with them personally?

Okay, this is some heavy stuff that pertains to suicide (not me, don't worry). I'm going to put it in spoilers just in case that would upset anyone reading this:

How do you accept that someone close to you is going to die? I have a friend who is suicidal and is so far gone that it seems nothing can convince them that life is worth living anymore.

inb4 "call the cops on them before they do it" I'm not doing that because I know that would just leave them in a worse position and also give them medical bills they cannot afford

While it would be best to find a way to prevent your friend from committing suicide, I would say that the second best thing would be to respect your friend's decision to commit suicide as his or her or their decision; certainly be there and provide any help that your friend requests, but don't try to go too far to prevent your friend from committing suicide, such as forcing medical care.

However, that's just me. I feel that there is a chance that your friend could withdraw from the situation given the correct therapy, but I also feel that forcing such therapy just makes you seem selfish and ingenuine in valuing your friend's life over his/her/their wishes.

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Thanks for the advice. It seems that they won't withdraw from their plans, so I've kinda (reluctantly) accepted that they'll be leaving my life soon. I did tell her them if there's anything I could do to help them, I would be happy to help.

UPDATE: So, my friend was able to talk to someone who was able to talk them down from going through with their suicide, which is a huge relief. I know I said I had reluctantly accepted whatever would happen, but I know I would have missed them a lot if it went through.

I have been super worried lately. My boyfriend wants to commit suicide, he told me yesterday. I want to help him, but I can't. I can't talk to him because he does not have internet nor a phone, usually talks to me at the library, I can't visit him because of his and my parents. What can I do? I have been in emotional distress all this week. I have to fake so many things today. On top of that I have school. I don't know what is happening, he didn't tell me why. Help please.

No opening banter, I'm cutting right to the chase.
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Telling someone they want to commit suicide is the ultimate cry for help. You said that you don't know what's happening and that he didn't tell you why. Have you noticed any signs that pointed to this? Has he become more distant with his fellow peers? Does he have a bad relationship with his parents? Whatever the case may be, this boy is crying out - and only he has the answer. I would be under a lot of emotional stress if I were in your position too - worrying about a loved one, with very limited forms of communication. That being said, I can offer one solution that can stop him from doing so...

MAKE HIM FEEL LOVED

You're his boyfriend - by all means, it's your duty to make him feel special, make him feel loved, make him feel cherished. If you're not with him, taking away his worries, of course he's going to be stuck with said worries and it will get to him. With every chance that you get to see him, make it a day that he never forgets. Take him to the park and bask in the sunlight, take him out to dinner, and anything else that you can think of that can help him fall asleep with a smile on his face. If it helps (and only if possible), maybe even give him a memento at the end of each meeting. He can fall asleep with it, or keep it on his nightstand. At the end, he'll know that he's not alone.

Personally, I've never had the experience of someone telling me they would do such an action. No matter which person I interact with, both online and off, I always put a smile on my face and do my best to put a smile on theirs. Not because I wanna get brownie points with the popular kids on campus, but because I want them to forget about their worries, even for the slightest moment. Happiness is contagious.

In conclusion, the long-term solution I can offer is to do your damndest best to make sure he's loved. Make him feel at ease, and let him know that he's not alone in his time of need - You'll be there for him (if not, one of many people that are there for him).

Sorry I made this a bit short, I have final exams coming up, and I need all the rest and study time I can get @.@

I wish both of you the best of luck in your future, and I pray that he doesn't go through with this action.

Stay safe, and give my regards to him.

Sincerely,
A friend who wishes nothing but the best for the both of you

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