The Wrestling Thread

I actually read that Survivor Series thing as being a celebration of his career over a match, so I was thinking HIAC last match, Survivor Series the celebration and then the inevitable Hall of Fame for WM32, but the ending might have changed that. I too was expecting Lesnar to come out for the save, they lingered in the ring so long after I was sure there was gonna be a handshake or any sign of respect.

EVERY Hell in a Cell ending is always with a heel standing tall to end the show...and Brock Lesnar winning just wasn't enough heel glory, since nobody was really pissed, since everyone loves him.

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WWE HELENA SELL 2015
Hey i'm actually using proper ratings this time edition.

1. Dolph Ziggler, Cesaro and Neville vs Rusev, Sheamus and King Barrett - Didn't watch/5. I WAS GETTING CHIPS OK
Apparently it was good. Dead crowd, which may or may not become a running theme.

2. John Cena vs Alberto Del Rio - 2.5/5. BRRRRR APPLEDOUGH OPEN CHALLENGE
Since Cena won't be wrestling for like a month or so, gotta give the title to someone. BUT WHO?? Apparently Alberto Del Rio, because who better to win it than an old rival (sorry Big Show). He got a nice pop upon being announced, and then the crown just up and died as soon as the match started. Like, someone could have farted outside and it would have been audible inside. Cena had a small advantage, then Del Rio took over, landed a kick to finish things off and rode off with the coveted US Title that everyone in this industry dreams of having.

3. Roman Reigns vs Bray Wyatt - 1/5. I ACTUALLY FELL ASLEEP DURING THIS
I'm sure 1/5 is gonna seem harsh, but dammit, that was too slow of a match. You want to make it seem grueling and brutal, I get that, but 23 MINUTES? What did you need that for, the kendo sticks? There were like 7-8 spots devoted entirely towards breaking them. The back-and-forth with finishers was nice, but by then I had already fallen asleep at one point, which is just mind blowing, and the match had already hit the 19 minute mark. No bueno. Also dead crowd.

4. The New Day vs The Dudley Boyz - 1/5. RIP BRASS INSTRUMENTS
No Xavier Woods, but he was there in spirit, a la trombone. Dudley Boyz botched a few moves, looked slow. Whole match was slow, felt like I was watching RAW. Kofi pulled an Eddie Guerrero with the trombone, that was about the only good thing to come out of this.

5. Charlotte vs Nikki Bella - 2/5. DIVAS DIVISION IS STILL A PISS/SNACK BREAK
Charlotte beat the snot out of Nikki, then Nikki got all hyped up, Nikki fucked up a drop from the turnbuckle, and then Charlotte buried her like she stole her wallet and her man. That doesn't mean it was a great match.

6. Seth Rollins vs Kane - 2/5. JAPANESE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE
I've never heard the term "DEMON KANE" uttered so many times in a 15-20 minute span, my goodness. This was back and forth between being slow and being moderately slow. Kane beat Seth up pretty good early, looked big and strong, but Seth came back just as strong. They brought it outside the ring and did a few spots around the announce tables, tried to send Kane through the SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE but it didn't exactly work. Kane tried to land one big hit, but Seth landed like 8 straight knees and then two kicks for a pin. I hope I didn't make this sound good, because it wasn't.

7. Kevin Owens vs Ryback - 2.5/5. THE MOST AVERAGE MATCH OF ALL-TIME
If you only showed me this match and mentioned nothing about there being a title at stake, I would have thought it was a pre-show match. FIVE MINUTES. A five minute match for the Intercontinential Breakfast Title, which just screams "oh shit, we're running out of time, maybe that second match shouldn't have been 23 bloody minutes!" Still good though, they did a nice job for the time they had. Owens landed a nice powerbomb for the pin, he looks more lean.

8. Brock Lesnar vs The Undertaker - 5/5. THE PPV IS SAVED, BEST MATCH OF THE YEAR

SUPLEXES, BROKEN HEADS, CHAIRS, WILLPOWER, THROWN MEDICAL STAFF, SUPLEXES, TORN UP MAT, DICK UPPERCUT, F5. This is how you do a Hell in a Cell, better pacing, better spots, better finish, all under 20 minutes.

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You're the best wrestling reviewer ever XD

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I'm really glad Lesnar got a clean win. I mean, sure, it wasn't CLEAN per se, but there were no rules in the match and he did it one-on-one. Heel or not, no one else will ever do that to the Undertaker.

AND THEN THE WYATT FAMILY BECAUSE ROFLMAO WHY NOT

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I'm glad to see Team Terrible getting the upper-hand on the divas devision.

Also, WWE screwed up the ending of the Rusev-Dolph rivalry. They should've paired Dolph Ziggler and Summer Rae together.

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TRIPLEEEEEEEEE HAITCH (or just Triple H if you're not Howard Finkel) has a boo-boo. Paul is 46, he should retire already, body is gonna fall apart soon.

Also, here's a shit review of TEEEAAAA ELLLLLLLL SEEEAAAAA. I'm taking the piss as it's the last PPV of the year, and it wasn't exactly stellar. Quite frankly next year better be the start of bigger and better things, cause this was not a good year. It won't be, but I can dream.

Don't take this review seriously, cause I fucking didn't.
1. not really a red head and Team BAD vs actual red head - ginger/10
two read heads in a match, you don't see that often. you also don't see a fucking tap out on the chin. the crowd was really into it right there, I guess they got really excited to see something new, like someone tapping out on their chin.

2. blacks vs samoans vs mexicans (winners get TWO belts, holy shit) - straight/compton
there was a lot of jumping off of things like ladders and shit, and white people can't jump like that one movie said, so they weren't invited. the mexicans were fast and bounced like the beans but were also dumb and didn't climb the ladder well, and the samoans just fell a lot trying to hurt the others. that's fucked up; kids don't hurt people, just climb ladders and win like the black people.
also the blacks won, so they get to fight the whites in the wrestleb owl. will they ever lose? Short answerNO

3. russian bear vs american bear - bear/10
russian things are pretty strong, i dont know if you know this, but the bears are also very strong like the vodka. russian bear was never going to lose, american bear is weak and stupid and cant even do its moves right. but russian bear is also dumb and forgot to leave dead weight girlfriend home, so russian girlfriend got hurt and almost cost russian bear match. almost, but he won anyway. because russian things are strong.

4. tan mexican vs white patriot (winner gets a belt. not a title belt, just a brown belt to keep their pants up.) - enchilada/10
i dont know what the spray tan does for the mexican but it works. he kept hitting the patriot with chairs until his american spirit crumbled like the collective hopes and dreams of there ever being another half life game. american patriot rose and tried to make a comeback but it was too late, he was buried under chairs, such is life as a babyface jobber.

5. team beastie boys vs team mild bunch- mistakes have been made/10
a dream match if you used a time machine but we dont have those so lets pretend this can be good only its not going to be and it wasnt. i dont know what you expect a group of 40 year olds to do that will impress people or keep them entertained, and i guess you didnt expect anything, cause they didnt do anything. the big dude on team beastie boy was center stage, so thats nice or whatever, i dont care mate, moving on

6. fat fuck vs crazy taxi (winner gets a free breakfast at dennys) - grand slam/10
fat man said mean things to boston, they didnt like that so he is a bad guy, i guess he is going to lose. guess what he lost spoiler alert. ohhhhhh i should have said that first, now it's all ruined, review is over, everyone go home.














so yeah, taxi dudebro hit hard and they went outside and smacked hard all over, threw themselves everywhere, and then taxi filled his special meter and landed his special and won. fat fuck didn't need the free meal anyway, let someone else have it.

7. ric flair genderbend vs british lass (winner gets a makeover) - flop/10
you cant try to work a heel angle against a heel, that is a stupid thing to do, it just bores people unless the people in a match are really good and really interesting, breaking news they are not. pls remove old man from wrestling, he is old and boring, also he keeps touching his daughter a lot and its weird.

8. a drunk irishman vs an extra from fast and furious (winner gets to lose the belt to john cena) - we am punching guys/10
irishman and extraman did everything that you expect in a TLC match, oh hey that's the name of the show, cool. they broke a whole load of tables, used the ladders nicely, and there was even an interruption by other wrestlers that had been on before, like russian bear and tan mexican, and also king of banter, who did not perform but only to save his energy for banter in the form of ass kicking. he did not do a good job, because extraman beat them all and climbed the ladder to reach the title belt, but there was no belt because irishman had sobered up and beat him to it.

afterwards, extraman got upset and beat up the bear, the mexican, and the banter king, and then he beat the shit out of le shovel man with a chair and the crowd was really happy to see extraman go nuts. good for you lad.
Half an hour to write, forever and a day to forget. No more WWE PPVs for 2015, what a beautiful thing. Here's to 2016, I await more disappointment and another John Cena WWE World Championship reign. #BRRRRRAPPLEDOUGH

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Once again, you're the best WWE reviewer ever LOL, but yeah, that's exactly how I felt about that fucking TLC PPV.

I hope Royal Rumble 2016 doesn't beat the record of being the most terrible Royal Rumble show ever. I was surprised Royal Rumble 2015 pulled off being worse than Royal Rumble 2014!

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What a fucking disaster TLC was. Fat/Taxi was the only good match on the card.

WELP ROMAN IS CHAMP TLC WAS COMPLETELY POINTLESS

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At least Roman winning the title will get me some WWE predictor league points. But yeah, why completely invalidate the result of your PPV on free TV?

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At least Roman winning the championship back was built up with some substance on RAW.

Remember the IC Title Match between Miz and Ziggler after Night of Champions 2014? They had a match, Ziggler pulled on Miz's tights just like he did to win the title, and got it back. That's about all the substance that came from that.

Edit: To make it clear, I'm not a Roman Reigns fan defending him. I'm at least surprised the crowd (noting RAW was in Philadelphia, where they booed him for winning the Rumble) was excited for the title change.

WWE did a thing at Madison Square Garden. Stardust actually participated, Kevin Owens lost again, i'm not sure what his role in the company is anymore, and CENAWINSLOL, but via DQ, so Del Rio keeps the almighty US Title, the grand prize of wrestling, the peak of the WWE title spectrum.

There was a Detroit show too, but no one cares m8

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haven't been tuning in recently but now we have a wank pheasant as the champ

i hope sef gets better soon

Who's excited for the Royal Rumble?

I personally am devastated that the Royal Rumble Match is FOR the WWE Championship... *smfh*

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A wank pheasant that is actually over right now

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so austin aries got signed to wwe nxt
that's a thing now

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Most of the bullet club supposedly

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I'm going to Royal Rumble, I'm super excited but cautious...I know how the last two have gone.

Also Austin Aries in NXT...what a great thing. Though he is a MUCH better heel and hopefully they pull the trigger on that soon.

I guarantee every single defending champion will walk out of the arena with their championship still around their waist.
I don't see any reason why any of them would lose that night.

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Even roman?
There's gotta be a swerve to that one at least

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